Life After An Alcoholic Relationship

 I was married to my second alcoholic for 16 years, I was going to stick with him for better or worse, he was/is going to AA for few years  but was relapsing every 6-9 months, few times during our marriage I left him, he told me he will change to come back etc, etc so everytime I did, he is a good worker when sober and frugal with money (except when drinking), however he always manage to save money and we did well financially, he was very emotionally abusive to my two boys (his step children) he has left his own daughter when she was three so he tried to be the good father he was not to his own child, however he did not know how to do that, both my boys ended up leaving the home at 18, then my AH finally accomplish one year sobriety and I was going to Al-anon when he dropped the bomb and asked me for a divorce.
I was confussed, and heart broken, how after I put up with his crap for so many years he leaves ME!!. The divorce was nasty he was mean and I tried to talk to him many times, I felt cheated of 16 years of my life, he got sober and I can finally have my "dream husband" and he left me!!. I hold unto al-anon with my teeth and nails, I did CPR (call, pray, Read) every moment for the first few months, he would not talk to me even at court when the divorce date came. He wouldn't talk to our kids either, he put a restraning order on me to make sure I wouldn't contact him, he was playing the victim, however 9 months later when he got drunk he call me and wanted to come back "home", I was already seeing someone nice and told him NO until he gets a year honest sobriety, he was all or nothing either I take him back or I never see him again!! well I have not seeing him since. I know he is dating younger woman, stopped all contact with my boys and has move on!! I still think of him and need to work on my steps, it is getting better, I am learning a new way of thinking and a new way of life, my boys are doing better and we can now talk more honestly to each other. They tell me I should of left their stepdad long time ago. I have two years in al anon and I will continue this program for the rest of my life. I learned that love does not hurt, if it hurst then is no love but obsession I need to see where the obsession is coming from. I have a loving man now that gives me all the respect and emotional support I need from a partner, and I am giving back respect and honesty to someone that deserves it. What I am giving I am receiving and my children are learning what a true mature relationship should be like. Good luck to all of us that have been touch by this ugly disease of addiction.
urbff170 urbff170
46-50, F
1 Response Feb 22, 2012

Thanks for sharing this. My sister is going through something similar and I'm just surfing online to try and find some comforting words to tell her. Her boyfriend (of 10 years) decided to get into rehab and try to sober up. It was all his choice and she was there for him supporting him all the way through the program. She went there during his rehab and visited him and took everything out of their apartment (she was a social drinker as well) before he came home. <br />
<br />
A day after he got home from Rehab he broke up with her, telling her she was the trigger of his drinking. They share an apartment together and he moved into their second bedroom (since their lease isn't up). For the last few weeks he has been doing nothing but ignoring her and actually seeing other GIRLS from rehab. My sister is torn because she wants to be there for him and support him through this time but he is making it almost impossible. <br />
<br />
Do you have any advise? I've never personally dealt with addictions in my life and I don't really know what to say to her. As her sister I want to protect her and tell her to just leave and get out of that environment. But I know she loves him and it will be hard to get over the last 10 years. She also is very torn about some of the information the rehab gave her. A lot of people were telling her that people aren't themselves when they come out of rehab, however I think there is a line.