Day 8

So today is a week since I left my ex for his beer drinking. I am strting to feel relly like I want to talk to him. and go back to him, but inside I know he is not good for me. but then I remember his company and when he was good.....I am trying my best to stay away...... ugh!!!!! I wish it was easier. Especially if he ws not my neighbor, thank god i have soccer practice after work, i hope we dont run into ech other...while i say that I thik, I wish he called me and say sorry, look all wht I am going to change for you becaue you deserve it.... even though I knw that wont happen..... im like why do I keep telling myself he might d it....ugh!!!!!
ggmbq ggmbq
3 Responses Mar 6, 2012

you are not a idiot, its very hard to go thru what you are going thru. You want to be with him, love him. i know i am in the same situation but guys like that cant have a drink or two, they dont know how to stop, they only want more and once theyve had it nothing they said or promised matters its only about getting more buzzed or drunk, until the next day when they sober up and apologize but sometimes its to late to apologize and you need to have had enough of that to make a break. Its one thing if he really does want to stop and goes to meeting couseling, whatever he needs but its also gotta be that when you go out or to whatever he cant have any, none or things like that will happen and thats not good for you at all, you need to think or you and your emotional well being. i know how hard it is, unless he really wants to change for himself then it wont happen and its your choice to live with it or leave, read what you wrote, remember how you felt when you wrote it, I hope that will give you the strength to make the right decisions for you and your kids, this isnt your fault but it is your life and only you can change it. Be strong, you are not alone

I took himback a week ago. he begged for days, he even went to a counsuler, he asked me to go jog with him, he stopped drinking for 2 weeks, he even stopped smoking, he started doing things I like, he even apologized to my kids. I took him back. I just got back home he invote me for a golf tournament he got himself in with his friends. I thought all was going soo unbelievable good, he statrted drinking through the torunament, every one was, even me, but very little. He said he was doing so good he could do it, i felt guilty and proud of all he had accomplished. he drank more and more and more, then the torunament was over, he looked so happy but so getting drunk, he ask me if we could hang out more i said whatever you want, many times, until I started to feel uncomfortable, then he asked, i said i would like to go home, he said ok, yet he keep drinking, i waited, he drank more, then he asked me in front of everyone if i wanted to stay, i just looked at him and was like ......thinking to myslef we just said we would go home, but then he said I am having fun i would like to hang out ,,,,in front of all his friends, i felt like a bad person if i said we had already agree to something, i just stood up and said Im gonna charge the cellphone so i can call the kids . i went and sit down in the car just not knowing what to do but wanting to leave but out of his car, eventually he came, he said whats going on, i said I just wanna go home, then he said i thought you said u did not care, i said i did but then we agreed we were coming back, and i dont think is rite you asked me again in front of everyone when we already had set something up. then very frunk he went off, jumped in the car and started driving, very upset, he started going off on me, then he started cussing at me, i decided to keep quiet, then he started slamming things, this went off for 10 minutes while he is driving, i started getting scared, he started to say i was very drunk, what was my problem , he did not do nothing wrong, i said i dont want to argue, he kept going off very agressive i felt abused, he wouldnt stop, so i said, please stop, he kept going....until i said, please stop we can talk another moment . the he started humilliating me, then i said, i would like you to stp so i can get off the car, he kept cussing, the he said get out of the fu.... car and stopped, i got out, he turn around....spin on the car followed me and almost run me over. another car saw this and stopped, i run to the closest store, shaking and got in and sit down inside trying to think who i ws gonna get to pick me up. i was 2 hours away from home. then he drove insanely almost into the store, honk for a minute, everyone turned around i was so scared....i stay in, he walked in, so uset, sit in front of me and kept going, i told him i would rather have his sister pick me up, he told me i was crazy, keep pouting like a baby...etc. Finally he said calm down get in the car and i drive you to my sister, i stand up...then he went off eagain, i sit down, then he said iam gonna go get ..a friend, this friend is really nice and healthy, i said ok, his friend came driving, pick me up, we started driving home. the police stopped us, he interrogated me first, i broke down crying and said it was nothing just a minor boyfriend girlfriend argument, because i did not wanted him to go in trouble cuz of me. the police let us go.....thank god his friend was there.....we stopped later at an another convenient store, my boyfriend got off to the restroom, then i asked his friend if he ever get this violent,,,,he said he has slammed doors and throw things at his house before....... i kept quiet. even before police pulled us over he slammed the door hard infront of his friend to show his anger towards me...while his friend and i were alone he asked me if he had hit me, i said no, but he almost run me over.<br />
i just got home and this is the only place i felt i could go......i am crying so hard, i am an idiot. i dont know what the hell is wrong with me......i just want to be able to stopped this...!!!!!! help me

stay strong, he will not change for you, he has to change for himself. I am 11 days gone from my ex who was a weekend binge drinker. It hurts but you know within you its the right thing to do and it will get better, one day at a time. When i am feeling weak i make myself remember the bad times, the times that made me leave in the first place, i dont remember the good ones when he was sober because no matter what the drunk days were always gonna come. You can do it, you are worth it! Take care :)