Almost 1 Week & Why We Left Him!This Tuesday will make one week since I moved my son and me back to my parents place in Washington**.
The day I left, I woke up to my home full of smoke. The Sheriffs and the fire department were outside my home concerned of the smoke the neighbors could see seeping through our front door. My bf had been drinking a lot over the span of three days and it was now Monday and he was still at it. He should've been at work.
Anyway... Throughout the night I stayed up stairs with the door closed and the AC on. I could smell the smoke but it I did not think for a second my son and I was in danger. We have smoke detectors setup and my bf was down stairs wide awake watching television drinking Whiskey. I figured if we was in danger he'd be the first to know and tell us. So the whole night and into the morning, the intensity of smoke lingered. I did not realize how bad the smoke was until I opened my bedroom door in the morning and could see a haze on the first floor. "Holy ****," I said. I ran downstairs, nothing was on fire, just smoke. I could hear something crackling and it was the stove, still on high burning the crap out of what was a pot of ramen noodles. The spoon had melted itself stuck to the pot and everything inside the pot was black.
As soon as I switched off the dial to the stove... up pops my bf like a JACk-in-the-box, walking to the bathroom, peeing like a race horse, then walking back to the couch and laying back down. I couldn't believe what I'd just saw him do. In my mind, he must've been awake for sometime knowing the stove was on all night and potentially trying to start a fire within our apartment or at least try to scare me into the idea that my son and I was in danger... well which ever it was it worked! I was scared, pissed off and the cops being outside was just luck that I'd have law enforcement at my back to get my **** and leave.
In the past, I'd come home to my freezer emptied out into the kitchen sink with meats and frozen foods defrosted and cross contaminated; broken glass everywhere on the second and first floors; food thrown about the place; pictures ripped from the walls, and clothes just thrown about, even the couch cushions would get turned and tossed onto the floors... I'd come home to HELL. I'd clean up the place because my son is a toddler and his safety comes first. I suffered his growing violent temper and destructive behavior until that day I woke up to smoke and watched him act like he was unaware of the threat he created that could've gotten out of control.
Severe smoke inhalation would've caused him to pass out leaving my son and me to figure it out for ourselves that we was in danger. But judging by his previous actions I doubt what he was doing was an accident. Sure i saw a bowl of ramen noodles on the table, but for him to remain asleep through the smoke so dense downstairs and not wake up -I don't believe. Even if he was in-fact blacked out, he created the situation that I deem unforgivable. Because Like I mentioned he popped up like a Jack-in-the-box meaning he was awake and waiting for me to come downstairs and clean up his mess.
Well... when I left. I left an even bigger mess upstairs grabbing my sons and mine things, packing what I could get into suitcases and bags, loading up the car and leaving. The Sheriff stayed outside watching for 40 minutes until I was done and driving away. I went to a shelter for women and children. Surprisingly, not as bad as I had imagined. The women there were understanding and caring. They'd been through what was technically day one for me in a shelter. After I got my things organized, had dinner with my son and showered, as I laid in bed with my son I felt safe and relieved knowing I'd never have to put up with my ex-bf drinking ever again and that I'd obviously made up my mind that I'd rather tuff it out in a shelter than subject myself to that kind of dangerous environment living with a negligent & out of control alcoholic.
Two days later, I flew home with the help of family. I drove the car to the airport and left it there for his relatives to come pick-up. I was blessed to have two men help me with my bags & my son from the parking lot to the airline check-in. These men were open about their belief in GOD, and I truly felt like they were my angels along with the women that guided to the shelter & the sheriff that waited. It's gonna take some time adjusting to life again, but I know the worse is behind me and my ex-bf is aware that we left him. He called twice to ask why we left, the second I tried to explain, he told me to "Shut-the-****-up!" then he hung up on me. Twice he did it. Since that phone call I'd been kind enough to have my son leave him a voice message daily until his father works up the courage, soberness, and nerve to talk to his son.
It took a lot of courage for me to leave, but I kept thinking about my son and our safety. So much domestic violence occurs in that state, and a lot of the times the women who love their alcoholic bf's or husbands still defend their partners even after the abuse because they are in denial, confused and brainwashed into thinking all relationships have their kind of problems. Majority of the women aren't so lucky because their bf's kill them whether by gunshot, stabbing, strangulation or fire. As you can see I didn't want my son and me to be another statistic. That's why I left. He was starting to show potential of harming his own family while under the influence.
Ladies if you got men like this in your life, seek help from Ala-non. Try to suggest to the alcoholic in your life about Alcoholic Anonymous meetings. If he is resistant make sure you have an exit back-up plan out of your relationship should things get worse. Have that emergency number to call, that can get help to you immediately, or check you in to a shelter if you got no place or no one to stay with, especially if you got children to think about first.
Don't worry about the alcoholic in your life they'll be drinking even after you leave them... my ex-bf is still drunk today because he hasn't called and my bank account tells me where he's been spending money these past 5 days... all to the liquor store. I pray for his safety that he hits rock bottom & gets help before alcoholism takes his life. I've begged enough that he get help but he has not. By us leaving we made his depression and obsession to drink worse, but if you read all my stories here... You'll understand I left because I care and love my son more to leave than be selfish and stay with an alcoholic that refuses to go Alcoholics Anonymous... by not doing so he is getting more and more into that violent drunk behavior statistic.
Leolani 26-30, F 0 Aug 12, 2012