How Do I Deal With My Alcohol-abusing Boyfriend?

I knew he was a drinker when I met him, but we are in our mid-20s and it seems the norm amongst a pretty large social group that we're involved in (he much more involved than me
). We have been together for 2 years and what has been the reoccurring issue is that he gets Really drunk when he drinks, and he drinks often. When he's ridiculously and obviously drunk, he isn't violent or angry. The negatives that come up are his inappropriateness in talk, mean sense of humor, poor judgment, and dangerous decision making like driving while intoxicated. All of which are pretty well-accept and laughable to his group of friends. He drinks at what I feel are inappropriate times (afternoon at home, shots at dinner out) and will get intensely drunk most times he's given the opportunity, and gets far more drunk than the people around us. It has become a big issue in our relationship and we have gone through trials of him hiding alcohol from me (casually mixed in his gatorade, or bluntly caught bringing vodka from his bedroom during a time of "sobriety" that we agreed on), lying about how much he has drank, and having to call cabs to bring me home because of his attempts to drive intoxicated.
He has a clear problem with alcohol abuse. What I don't know is if he's an alcoholic, and what my role in this process/relationship should be. I love him and he swears he's crazy about me, has attempted to stop drinking (though we have inevitably developed trust issues), and at this time claims to be committed to working on not drinking, but is unsure of how to identify the exact problem and how to then conquer it. And I just don't know the best way to help.
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2 Responses Sep 6, 2012

I was in this situation. I got married to the guy. he promissed he would stop drinking and was not half as bad as he ended up at first. he ended up almost pushing me out of a four story window and not remembering it the next day. He put wholes all over the house and marks all over my body and would drink so much he would **** his pants and walk around. it was horrible, he would drink every day and try to hide it.. By the time i left i was in the hospital twice, and he put me down so bad mentally and physically i was a mess.He took everything. You cant help him by being there, i know i tryed everything. the only one that can help him is him. all you are doing by staying with him when he is being violent is being a punching bag and an enabler which hurts him more. if you want to stay with him, leave him untell he gets better. i know it sounds crazy but it REALLY is the only way.

PS everything you wrote was how it started for me. EVERYTHING