Post

I Want to Move On From My Alcoholic Ex

A few months ago at the age of 26, I decided to leave my alcoholic ex. We had been together for 10 years and we have an 8 year old son and I am also 4 months pregnant again.  I have been through heel and back over the last year as has my son between chances after chances to be thrown in our face again. I've always supported myself, so while it was wrenching for me to leave my familiar prison, I was reasonably sure I could rebuild my life and start over as a single mother.

I will spare you the details of how wretchedly intolerable the situation was and how justified I was in leaving him, but they involved the usual alcoholic atrocities and then some: lying, gambling, refusing to take responsibility for his son, wont support us with a penny, financial disaster, verbal abuse, betrayal of trust, denial, physical and emotional estrangement, shifting of blame. I felt I had to leave him to save my own life and my sons, and since he blamed me for everything bad about his life, I thought he wouldn't object. He didn't; he isnn't, he refuses to see his son for 3 months now not a word to him despite my begging pleading anything to stop the hurt to my son and me. Of course I'd already tried everything partners of alcoholics try: pleading, bribing, screaming, co-drinking, codependency, threats, trying to ignore him everthing but unfortunately I was just not strong enough or secure enough in myself. 

His family have been good to me trying to make sense of it all but of course no oe can make sense of it and seeing as he is refusing to admit he has a problem and blames me whenever anyones says anything to him then there is not much progress.

So putting all the hurt and lonliness aside I decided to seek advice from a solicitor as to formal maintenance payments and should he decide to see his son in the future to let him know there will be no argument from me.

While sometimes I feel like this is not his fault he has a problem he has a disease t does not stop the hurt, the betrayal. The knowing that he is out drinking being happy probably with other girls while we are sitiing at home enduring the pain.

 

I really want to distant myself from it and move on I really so for my own sanity aswell as happiness and being a proper mum to my boy and other child to come I jsut feel like I dont have closure.

I loved him once and still do alot the old him. I'd like to forgive him. But I don't know where he went; the person I loved is gone and only the addiction inhabits his body. He hates me and blames me for everything, including his drinking, even though he will not admit that he has a problem. Can you tell me how to move on, reach resolution and forgive myself, him and just move on??
 

kerrimunro1982 kerrimunro1982 26-30, F 55 Responses Oct 8, 2008

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I have to share my testimony to the world because i dont know who it might be helpful to.
My name is Mrs Elizabeth Peters from chicago am 25 years old i got married at the age of 23 i have only one child and i was living happily .After one year of my marriage my husband behavior became so strange and i don’t really understand what was going on, he packed out of the house to another woman i love him so much that i never dream’s of losing him, i try my possible best to make sure that my husband get back to me but all to no avail, i cry and cry seeking for help, i discussed it with my best friend Allix and she promise to help me. She told me of a man called DR KOBOKO YYA, she told me he is a very great man and a real man that can be trusted and there is nothing concerning love issues he cannot solve and she told me how he has help countless number of people in restoring their relationship. I was really convince, I quickly contacted his email address at dr.koboko@gmail.com . I explain all my problem to him, he told me that i should not worry that all my problems will be solved immediately. He told me what to do to get my husband back and i did, he said after 3days my husband will come back to me and start begging, and it really happen as he said, i was very surprise, this is so amazing.
To God be the glory our relationship is now very tight and we both live happily again. If you having similar problem, Contact him now (dr.koboko@gmail.com) and get your problem solve once and for all.

It is his fault. He wants you to feel sorry for him and make excuses, because then that means he doesn't have to take responsibility for his choices. My ex, also an alcoholic, was exactly the same way. 'I drank too much and you should have ignored all the nasty things I said to you instead of standing up for yourself, because that made me angry and THAT'S why I went downstairs and scratched up someone's car with my keys and did $10,000 worth of damage to it. All your fault'.
He may have a problem, but he is CHOOSING to let it continue. It's victim mentality, and the more people feel sorry for him, the less likely he is to get help. Because as long as there are people around, his stunted brain will interpret that as a sign that his behaviour is fine.

Hi Guys, <br />
You all just remind me of the situation i'm in, I told him to leave last Tuesday because he was just like the men described in these posts. i know o deserve better but i feel so many different emotions, i thought men would be flocking to come over, but I have noone, this is hard, i know the guy was a loser but what so i do by myself all the time? help

These poor kids. If you are in a position to get out of an alcoholic living environment, then do! You will have heart ache after leaving but the heart ache you will have when your kids become drunks or marry a drunk will be worse and prolonged. Make the clean break and get away. They leave a path of victims and distraction . The take the free ride and hop abroad the money train until they pump it dry. They know just how to keep you and prololong you leaving. Do not trust their moments of kindness. They are acting to get their next need met. They steat from loved ones, manipulate,lie, socailize with other drunks yet put them down to you as if they are not friends with them. They are involved with other unknown women and put their family's very Heath at risk by doing this with no regard, regret or remorse. If you continue to put up with this ask your self why? If the reasons are from Insecurity your are lying to yourself because you are not secure with Him, if it's love well that is not love, if it is habit then get therapy and get healthy asap!!! Alcohol is a family disease. It effects everyone who knows them. Parents are constant ATM machines and enablers, wives are as well and used as the scapegoat for their behaviors, extended family is also involved with their wheeling and dealing. Wake up and walk out. Get yoirself in allenan if you are someone in their lives. You will come out stronger and regain yoir self worth. Until the alcoholic gets help they continue to be a parasite on their famiiys life.

My husband has been an alcoholic for years. I chose to ignore it. I did not participate and the space between us grew bigger and bigger. He has hardly any relationship with his child. I am tired of the broken promises and endless lies. The lies are so frequent he can't even tell the truth if you asked him what color the sky was. His health is spiraling downward. He has almost lost everything in his life. It is very sad and j have done everything a person can possibly do at this point but truly he has to be the one to help himself. His mom and dad did not believe me and enabled him when I made a break from him. He just moved on from there to feed his addiction. My son and I are working towards a more secure future. I am hopeful that he wakes up one day and gets himself clean. My child can not be a witness anymore to the behaviorisms if thi alcoholic. The hardest thing is breaking the cycle and I am stating to do that!! They are parasites that feed of the host! (great analogy) anyway, this host will no longer be around to feed off of!!!

My heart goes out to all the women and children in your situation. I don't understand the men.<br />
<br />
I spent a couple of decades abusing multiple drugs (coke, acid, weed, ecstasy, painkillers) and alcohol but when I found out I was going to be a father it wasn't even an issue. I just stopped. <br />
<br />
It didn't happen all at once, but gradually I found my priorities shifted and I got busy doing other things so that by the time my daughter arrived I hadn't been buzzed on anything but the excitement of it all for months.<br />
<br />
I'd like to say it was an example of my incredible willpower or something, but really it didn't even seem to take much of an effort on my part. I just wanted to do more important things more than I wanted to get drunk or high.<br />
<br />
It's strange, because when I was single and had only myself to look out for, I hit rock bottom (joblessness, homelessness, hunger, drunk tanks) again and again and couldn't make myself stop, but as soon as I found out I was going to be a father it was like it had never even been an issue. (I was up from rock bottom before I met the wife but I was still abusing)<br />
<br />
I know tooting my own horn like this does nothing to help the women who find themselves with mates who aren't as lucky as me and are overcome by their addictions, but ...<br />
<br />
Bah I don't even know what my point was, except to say that I and most of society that's worth a damn have the greatest respect for you, and are willing to help out as much as possible.

I have just finished with my boyfriend two weeks ago.He used to down strongbow like it was fizzy pop and his treat at the wkend was to drink a large bottle of vodka each day with red bull downing each bottle in half an hr.He was also a coke addict.He has put two love letters through my door and cried outside my window begging me to be with him.Why do I feel so sorry for him and guilty.? I pine for him all day and night even though he was controlling,verbally abusive and manipulative.Feel like my heart is gonna break.I want to hold him and smell him and be loved but I know I can never take him back.Does the pain ever go away?

I have been married for 17 years(which was arranged by hindu custom)we both were shy timid people.I always took care of myself financially and then took care of kids.He never took responsibilty for us.always had some issues,first gambling,then drinking,then friends.we never featured in his life.im educated and we got divorced(only on paper-due to his financial problems)but he demanded a settlement amount just in case I really left him.I paid him yet we still lived together.Never any respect or care for me yet I continued.He leaves in morning,come next morning -partying with friends,bar.Eventually I got tired and kicked him out.He doesnt ever contact me yet I hope he comes grovelling back.Why am I so stupid to want him back,yet I never know if he ever loved me.Never once he bought me anything,never stood by my side,so why do I continue to love him yet he says ''he doesnt want me anymore''.whats wrong with me.I have my own house,cars,smart,beautiful YET want him only.Im in love with him.how can someone love so much to person who shows you ,you mean nothing

I have a 4 yr old to an alcoholic/gambling ex....Iv never had these issues myself, but have an ex and a step parent who are bad alcoholics, ive seen it...but guys...my question is how can it be ok or alright for anyone with kids stay with an alcoholic (abusive or not) and not think that its some kind of " child abuse" for kids to watch a person drinking themselves stupid?????? anyone? if children watch this sort of stuff arent we basically ruining their lives, by letting them think this is acceptable???

Why are all of you women getting pregnant by these losers??? Yeah, let's bring a child into your crazy world. I'm sorry, but that is devoid of all logic.

People aren't born alcoholics/substance abusers. They become them. The man I left today is NOT the same man I married 10 years ago...

I also have an alcoholic ex. Fortunately he wants to see his children and can hold his job to help support us financially, but the debt he created is devastating. I knew I had to divorce him when I started seeing signs of depression in myself. I knew my children needed at least one healthy parent. They inspire me and keep me going. I've never felt such peace and strength as the day that I got him out of our home. While it's still a struggle almost daily with calls from collections agencies and when he cancels on the kids at the last minute, those are struggles I can deal with. Now I don't have to wonder whether or not he's coming home or, if he comes home, what I'll have to deal with when he walks in the door. <br />
The first six months was really tough. I could see glimpses of the silver lining out there, but it was hard to get out from under all the pain and fear. Now that it's been almost a year, I've regained a lot of the confidence that I lost with all the emotional abuse. Now I have this strength, all this peace, all this amazing ability to be WHO I AM instead of being the wife of a very sick man. <br />
It gets better and better. Hard days still come, but the good days are so very much better than the bad ones. I never doubt my decision. I feel sorry for him, but these were his choices, disease or not, that caused this. Not mine. My choice is to live, to teach my children how to live. <br />
Good luck to you. And peace.

Cagedkitty the ending to your post was hilarious. Wasn't seeing that coming!

My name is tobey I am an alcoholic. My best advice to you is to stop all contact with him. My wife is doing this to me and it's killing me. I know how much pain I have caused her and our children an I don't want to return until I'm sober with time under my belt. And this is coming from an alcoholic. If your calling him and trying to get him involved with his son there is no use at this point. Don't subject yourself or your kids to that mess. I know it hurts but he has to truly losewhat he thought he controlled. Once you take that power away from him something will happen. It can be dangerous so plan it well get help my heart goes out to you and your kids. And never never ever let him make you feel like it is your fault. Or make you doubt your self worth empower yourself and he will come crawling back with his tail tucked between his legs.

Hi I was wondering how u were coming along w/your recovery &amp; if u could give me some advice..thank you.

I'm glad you are taking the steps to get yourself better. I left my husband just a few weeks ago. He doesn't have anything without me. I was the sole breadwinner, and honestly, I felt bad for leaving him alone, homeless and without care. He hated me at first, but I just kept reminding myself that as long as I was there to take care of him, he would never take care of himself... He called me yesterday, to thank me. He says I saved his life.

Needed to read this!

love is not to nurse someone and tell them everything is ok when its not love is to be totally honest and be there for someone. and when i say always there for them i dont mean live with them i mean if they ever want to talk or the space to express their feelings then allow them but not to the point where it suffocates you.

Screw alcoholics. I mean that. Literally. A parasite weakens the host in order to achieve maximum level of benefit for itself.

It's unfortunate that *cagedkitty* still sounds like a dry drunk despite having given up the drink. Guess that's what happens to old booze hounds... <br />
<br />
I ditched my last girlfriend when I found out that she and her gal pals always end their bar crawls in an unlady like fashion; they blow chunks on the dance floor, on the bar, in the bathroom sink, wherever they happen to be. And they don't think they are alcoholic... See ya! I am glad I finally inquired. This is a woman I met at the gym, someone who enjoys the sauna, practices yoga, eats well and abhors drug use... But when it comes to the juice she drinks till she spews... Not my kind'a dame! Thank you but no thanks just the same! I usually become aware of a persons bad habits within a few months, at least the most glaring ones, and when I detect them, I bail... why traverse a road littered with IEDs?

my boyfriend got so drunk, beat me unconscious, stole all my money and then when i woke up threw every piece of cutlery at me. i tried to hang myself because he took my car keys, phone and locked the front door so i couldn't escape.<br />
he then called the police and told them i was doing it all to him. i went to the mental ward in hospital and my father came and picked me up.<br />
<br />
Im 22 and he was 36. his liver is failing because hes been an alcoholic for 15 years and sometimes he would use drugs AS SOON as he gets paid which is at 2am, then during the day would buy alcohol and the money would run out about 7pm... then he realised he had a girlfriend who still had her money.<br />
<br />
he made no sense when he was drinking. he would talk in a maori accent even though hes australian. then he would lie on the floor holding his liver and vomit until he went to sleep.<br />
<br />
i was with him for a whole year and to be frankly honest, now that im out of that place, it was the best year of my life. not because he bashed me and took my money, but because im the one who learnt and changed to become this strong-willed person.<br />
<br />
he calls my dad every night telling him he will beat the crap out of him and that hes going to hang himself. we laugh because hes too gutless to do any of it and he just calls back in 5 minutes saying that we are all crazy.<br />
<br />
its been only a fortnight since i was in hospital, but things are getting so much better. i went to court and got a restraining order so now he cant even mumble a word to me, my friends or family without being charged for it.<br />
when i was with him<br />
i saw my friends twice a year and my parents about 10 times. and i cried every night for them. i was so depressed that i didnt get out of bed for days.. i never took a shower. there was no food either so i had nothing. i missed so much fun and birthdays.. i had to explain that i wasnt feeling well and cried myself to sleep while he was screaming at me-- that i didnt care about him.<br />
<br />
i checked his facebook the other day and its filled with rants about how much i manipulated him, then hes added about 30 women and liked the idea of having sex with someone on his list. then to top it off hes harrassing my friends telling them that he misses me.<br />
<br />
he misses my money and my car thats all there is to it.<br />
<br />
but here's my little secret... just because he's doing what he does best, doesnt mean in anyway that i have to be sad about it. let him go off and enjoy his addiction.. hes got $300 less than he did. he's now got his own bills to pay, his food to buy and a house filled with holes from his punches. and if people help him out, thank god its not me! they can deal with his crap because i have no time for him.<br />
<br />
i have my family. i now have money i can spend whenever i feel like it! i can get drunk with my friends- giggle and laugh, dance and talk to people without being abused. i can get a fake tan, buy low cut tops, sweat it out on the treadmill, look and talk to men. ( we had a friend of his living in our house and for the whole 2 months i was forced into a room and was beaten when i said something to him because my boyfriend thought i was sleeping with him)<br />
<br />
so never fear. if you cant get out of the situation, maybe he will call the cops on you to get you out when he gets drunk. and dont be sad. in my head everyday i tell him thankyou for doing it.. the unemployed drug addict alcohlic actually saved my life- from him!<br />
call the cops on him when he gets too drunk. or even go for a drive and come back at 4am.. when hes passed out, then pack your things, snap your sim card for your mobile and go and get a restraining order.. you'll thank yourself for it later.<br />
<br />
and then when you feel better.. go find the man who will make you feel good about yourself. walk away from the bad ones because they only know how to have way too much 'fun' and that fun only lasts a week or so before your brain clicks and says "umm what the hell is wrong with him??"<br />
<br />
your not alone. you know yourself better than anyone.

my boyfriend got so drunk, beat me unconscious, stole all my money and then when i woke up threw every piece of cutlery at me. i tried to hang myself because he took my car keys, phone and locked the front door so i couldn't escape.<br />
he then called the police and told them i was doing it all to him. i went to the mental ward in hospital and my father came and picked me up.<br />
<br />
Im 22 and he was 36. his liver is failing because hes been an alcoholic for 15 years and sometimes he would use drugs AS SOON as he gets paid which is at 2am, then during the day would buy alcohol and the money would run out about 7pm... then he realised he had a girlfriend who still had her money.<br />
<br />
he made no sense when he was drinking. he would talk in a maori accent even though hes australian. then he would lie on the floor holding his liver and vomit until he went to sleep.<br />
<br />
i was with him for a whole year and to be frankly honest, now that im out of that place, it was the best year of my life. not because he bashed me and took my money, but because im the one who learnt and changed to become this strong-willed person.<br />
<br />
he calls my dad every night telling him he will beat the crap out of him and that hes going to hang himself. we laugh because hes too gutless to do any of it and he just calls back in 5 minutes saying that we are all crazy.<br />
<br />
its been only a fortnight since i was in hospital, but things are getting so much better. i went to court and got a restraining order so now he cant even mumble a word to me, my friends or family without being charged for it.<br />
when i was with him<br />
i saw my friends twice a year and my parents about 10 times. and i cried every night for them. i was so depressed that i didnt get out of bed for days.. i never took a shower. there was no food either so i had nothing. i missed so much fun and birthdays.. i had to explain that i wasnt feeling well and cried myself to sleep while he was screaming at me-- that i didnt care about him.<br />
<br />
i checked his facebook the other day and its filled with rants about how much i manipulated him, then hes added about 30 women and liked the idea of having sex with someone on his list. then to top it off hes harrassing my friends telling them that he misses me.<br />
<br />
he misses my money and my car thats all there is to it.<br />
<br />
but here's my little secret... just because he's doing what he does best, doesnt mean in anyway that i have to be sad about it. let him go off and enjoy his addiction.. hes got $300 less than he did. he's now got his own bills to pay, his food to buy and a house filled with holes from his punches. and if people help him out, thank god its not me! they can deal with his crap because i have no time for him.<br />
<br />
i have my family. i now have money i can spend whenever i feel like it! i can get drunk with my friends- giggle and laugh, dance and talk to people without being abused. i can get a fake tan, buy low cut tops, sweat it out on the treadmill, look and talk to men. ( we had a friend of his living in our house and for the whole 2 months i was forced into a room and was beaten when i said something to him because my boyfriend thought i was sleeping with him)<br />
<br />
so never fear. if you cant get out of the situation, maybe he will call the cops on you to get you out when he gets drunk. and dont be sad. in my head everyday i tell him thankyou for doing it.. the unemployed drug addict alcohlic actually saved my life- from him!<br />
call the cops on him when he gets too drunk. or even go for a drive and come back at 4am.. when hes passed out, then pack your things, snap your sim card for your mobile and go and get a restraining order.. you'll thank yourself for it later.<br />
<br />
and then when you feel better.. go find the man who will make you feel good about yourself. walk away from the bad ones because they only know how to have way too much 'fun' and that fun only lasts a week or so before your brain clicks and says "umm what the hell is wrong with him??"<br />
<br />
your not alone. you know yourself better than anyone.

My Bf and i have been dating for 6 years. im 25 and he is 38 , i love him so much but he is an alcoholic big time on gin. He never admits its a problem, but oh my is it ever. he will get verbally absuive and get drunk to the point he rolls his eyes back and makes no sence every night! he goes to the liqour store 4 times a week for a hugh bottle of gin he can polish it off within 2 days. (maybe some nights just one night to finsh it) we are moving in to a really nice place together in 2 days, i have had enough i cry everynight, but there is no turning back on th is place..... im lost i need help

My Bf and i have been dating for 6 years. im 25 and he is 38 , i love him so much but he is an alcoholic big time on gin. He never admits its a problem, but oh my is it ever. he will get verbally absuive and get drunk to the point he rolls his eyes back and makes no sence every night! he goes to the liqour store 4 times a week for a hugh bottle of gin he can polish it off within 2 days. (maybe some nights just one night to finsh it) we are moving in to a really nice place together in 2 days, i have had enough i cry everynight, but there is no turning back on th is place..... im lost i need help

Attendeing a support group like al-anon or coda(codependence anonymous) will help alot. Furthermore. the book called"Codependent No more' BY mELODIE bEATTIE IS THE MOST HELPFUL<br />
book for anyone in your situation and then some. Please do get the book , you'll not regret it.I guarantee it1!!

My son-in-law is an alcoholic and my daughter has finally decided to end the marriage. She did, however, make the mistake of telling him it's over. Since then he has done her as much dirt as he possibly can. Now, to our horror, he has dragged their 8-year-old into it by taking several prescription pills, then telling his daughter he is going to die, to call her mother, that he no longer wants to live. I am livid! The man is a total narcissist who thinks of no one other than himself. I think my daughter should refuse him visitation rights until he gets off the bottle for at least a year!

Currently as I write, there is a willful alcoholic downstairs at my apartment complex who throws firecrackers every time he gets drunk. Talk about fire hazard...a drunk playing with fire. Geez!<br />
Addiction is not a disease...i agree with the guy who said on his post that people often play that card to avoid responsibility. The core of the problem however is spiritual...willfullness, ego, desire to avoid reality, deceit, selfishness, and interest in only the more baser aspects of life (sex, party..etc) The substances might make them worse, but in the case of alcoholism, it's been my experience that alcohol acts as a truth serum, and when they drink it, the truth comes out, as well as their true nature....sometimes of course alcoholism makes them worse, but it doesn't solely create people's actions. It may blind them from having the ability to have self-awareness of their actions. I met an alcoholic recently who likes "boys". He was angry that I questioned whether he was a ********* or not. But all day, all he could say was boy, boy, boy, boy. Go figure. And he had the most amazing defense mechanisms to try to mentally justify all this. He didn't start talking about all this until he took a little truth serum (vodka) out of the refigerator...and by the way, he's a Harvard graduate. By the end of the day, this guy thought I was crazy because I questioned this mess, because he had to put it all off onto me in order to continue rationalizing his stories. He had one story about being caught in the shower naked with a young boy. I said, "Did he sleepwalk to get in there?" he didn't like that comment, naturally.<br />
If you try to make an addict face the truth, expect to be attacked in one way or another. They will have to find a way to put everything off onto someone else, and they will so damn willfully do it....it may not end up as a pretty situation.<br />
If you are in a relationship with an addict and are unhappy, take solace in the fact that you don't have their nature. If you did you would be happy in that environment. If you had the same nature, you wouldn't see anything wrong with it because you'd have to hate yourself. Another poster is right about like attracts like, but in some cases there are exceptions, and a person on a higher level can get mixed up in this kind of mess if they lack the discrimination to discern character, or if they are easily swayed by certain kinds of deception or maybe for other reasons. But in most cases, you can be sure that the people an addict is around is on the same wavelength.<br />
I know addicts are people, but don't join the ride with them....it's going nowhere really really fast.

I hope you have moved on since this post. I hope you find yourself in a happier place.

I saw your message regarding you wanting your Ex back!! My name is Prophetess Talya Garu.... I cast many kinds of spells.. Love spells, Money spells, Career spells, banishing spells and money. Please kindly reply if you need my service,here is my e-mail: prpht117@gmail.com<br />
<br />
Peace Be Unto you.

Hey babe, my husband is an alcoholic. when i met him 15yrs ago he would drink excessively and get very jealous, and i thought ah he's a young lad and he must really love me to be so jealous. i fell pregnant and noticed his drinking and his behaviour got worse, i loved him so much but he was really hurting me, mentaly, physically and financially, as time went on and through many broken promises, the problem got worse each time... in december last yr he told me he was leaving me (sober i might add at this time) he eventually left me In feb this yr, it was all really nasty and i was so understanding too, yet devastated by his leaving. I do have my suspicions that he had another woman lined up, but he will never admit it. In May once i was beginning to rebuild my and my daughters lives he wanted me back, he needed me and needed my help, cant live without me ect. However in the august after nearly taking him back i found out by my daughters friends mum that he was still continuuing to drink and giving his daughter monies to keep her quiet, this upset her and she didnt know who to turn to, so she turned to her friends mum, she didnt want me upset bless her. I was shocked and hurt when i was told, that he was still drinking, despite him saying ive done well i havent had a drink since i left you! this really hurts. with this it has left me confused, i dont feel like the strong person i was begginning to become, he is behaving like the most loving and caring person, yet i feel it is all so fake, ive been so hurt by him and i dont trust him anymore.. i feel so confused and emotionally drained. he began to get help for his drinking in october, still wanting me back, i dont know what to do, he is such a loving and kind man when sober so this makes it really difficult. any advice for me to please.

What Uniform72 said!!! Right on for speaking up that it's a choice!

My first marriage was to an alcoholic- I left because I didn't want my two children turning our like him.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
The best advice I can give you is to know all the bad he said to you is nothing other than a reflection on how he feels inside- No doubt alcoholics hate them self deep inside and know they are all the problem- but your dealing with a person who does not want to see reality because it's 1 too painful and 2 it forces him to make a decision on his drinking- He has not reached the bottom yet by you leaving but that may come soon- You should never put your life on hold because some people do not recover form this..<br />
<br />
<br />
I personally do not like calling alcoholism a disease because calling it a disease means they have no control over it and I believe they do it's just a matter of finding inside themselfs and making a clear decision to not drink as it ruined their life and others.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Pick yourself up dust yourself off your still young and you have bigger things to worry about like your children then to be a babysitter & mommy of a man that doesn't want to face reality and man up to his responsibilities.<br />
<br />
<br />
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When I first left my ex I read a book that stated that 9 out of 10 women in bad relationships tend to remarry the same type- the way to break this cycle is to write on a piece of paper (what you want in a man and what you don't want in a man or relationship) this way you can clearly see what is going on and this does make it easier when your in the dating realm again.

I have been married to an alcoholic for 20 years and I should have got out years ago.If you are away from it good for you I have been beat,put in the hospital several times and I still don't know why I stay.He is now sober but because of years of drinking is now very ill.My advise to anyone involved with an alcoholic is to get out you can't fix them that is for them to do you only hurt yourself and your loved ones by staying.

Type your comment here...my wife is a drunkin ***** too. do you self a favor give up on him. i know u want to understand why and how and u think that he still loves you etc but he dosent the booze is all he knows and it will never change took me almost 10 years and i still havent completly admitted to myself that the person i loved is gone forever.even if he stops drinkin its too late he will always b a **** and even if u think u forgive him memories will remain.also u cant force a person to b a parent if u have to then the kid is better off with out them any damm way.good luck to u and let me know if u wanna go et drunk sometime haha