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I Want to Move On From My Alcoholic Ex
Oct 8th, 2008
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few months ago at the age of 26, I decided to leave my alcoholic ex. We had been together for 10 years and we have an 8 year old son and I am also 4 months pregnant again. I have been through heel and back over the last year as has my son between chances after chances to be thrown in our face again. I've always supported myself, so while it was wrenching for me to leave my familiar prison, I was reasonably sure I could rebuild my life and start over as a single mother.
I will spare you the details of how wretchedly intolerable the situation was and how justified I was in leaving him, but they involved the usual alcoholic atrocities and then some: lying, gambling, refusing to take responsibility for his son, wont support us with a penny, financial disaster, verbal abuse, betrayal of trust, denial, physical and emotional estrangement, shifting of blame. I felt I had to leave him to save my own life and my sons, and since he blamed me for everything bad about his life, I thought he wouldn't ob
His family have been good to me trying to make sense of it all but of course no oe can make sense of it and seeing as he is refusing to admit he has a problem and blames me whenever anyones says anything to him then there is not much progress.
So putting all the hurt and lonliness aside I decided to seek advice from a solicitor as to formal maintenance payments and should he decide to see his son in the future to let him know there will be no argument from me.
While sometimes I feel like this is not his fault he has a problem he has a disease t does not stop the hurt, the betrayal. The knowing that he is out drinking being happy probably with other girls while we are sitiing at home enduring the pain.
I really want to distant myself from it and move on I really so for my own sanity aswell as happiness and being a proper mum to my boy and other child to come I jsut feel like I dont have closure.
I loved him once and still do alot the old him. I'd like to forgive him. But I don't know where he went; the person I loved is gone and only the addiction inhabits his body. He hates me and blames me for everything, including his drinking, even though he will not admit that he has a problem. Can you tell me how to move on, reach resolution and forgive myself, him and just move on??
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  | Posted Feb 16th, 2009 at 1:44PM Wow - this is my story exactly. I feel for you too. Where did they go? The hardest part for me is not having a best friend, the man I married and trusted. This experience really turned me on my head, and made me really angry. I go to Al-Anon (not as often as I should) and it helps. I still feel angry, bitter and betrayed. I want to get over this - but everyday I am reminded of it -- and it realy hurts. +2 nods   |
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 Feeling crazy | Posted Mar 9th, 2009 at 1:08PM, last updated Mar 9th, 2009 at 1:11PM 14% OF SOLDIERS BECOME ALCOHOLICS. I have lost 2 parents to Toxins in water at the militarry base, we damned them for their consumption of alcohol. You are #1 never change that, get happy. #2 is couple and #3 is children, all three will be happy to see you happy ;-) |
 | Posted Apr 12th, 2009 at 4:27PM sorcja is right, don't expect closure from your ex. It just won't happen no matter how hard you try to make sense out of the insanity in the relationship, there is not a way to make sense out of it and so there won't be closure. You'll never think it was the right time to leave, to end it. I know, been there done that, tried to get closure in bad relationships. I'm finally accepting that the only thing to do is to move on and learn to love myself again. You tried to make it a good relationship. Now do what you have to do to be a good mom to your kids and that includes doing things that make you HAPPY, not worried or sad or depressed. Let go of your ex, he chose his life, now you make yours the way you want it, make yourself move on to things that make you happy. +2 nods |
 | Posted Apr 19th, 2009 at 3:55AM I had an alcoholic dad and an alcoholic husband I loved my dad and he drown due to his addiction and my husband became an alcoholic & cheated on me and I wasted 12 yrs on him.I also dated an alcoholic that faked a relationship with me just to have sex. Ill never waste my time with someone who isnt going to change for themselves I wont suffer anymore from alcoholism.I have a real problem with alcohol and I barely drink myself it makes me down and depressed the next day. |
| Posted Apr 19th, 2009 at 12:24PM My dad was an alcoholic too, quietone. I drank alot on my younger years, then basically quit. I drank more alcohol in the last 6 months than I drank in the prior 15 years due to being with an alcoholic who promised me to change. The only thing that really changed was that I started drinking with him at night. I too became overemotional: angry, depressed, demanding. Part of getting me back, after I left that relationship, was drinking less, now I feel better. I hope you can find peace for yourself. |
| Posted Jun 20th, 2009 at 4:08AM I'm married to an alcoholic husband. You're welcome to view my blog and my story/journey so far: http://alcoholicspartner.blogspot.com/ |
| Posted Jul 14th, 2009 at 12:22AM Type your comment here...my wife is a drunkin ***** too. do you self a favor give up on him. i know u want to understand why and how and u think that he still loves you etc but he dosent the booze is all he knows and it will never change took me almost 10 years and i still havent completly admitted to myself that the person i loved is gone forever.even if he stops drinkin its too late he will always b a **** and even if u think u forgive him memories will remain.also u cant force a person to b a parent if u have to then the kid is better off with out them any damm way.good luck to u and let me know if u wanna go et drunk sometime haha |
 Feeling amused | Posted Sep 15th, 2009 at 7:37AM I have been married to an alcoholic for 20 years and I should have got out years ago.If you are away from it good for you I have been beat,put in the hospital several times and I still don't know why I stay.He is now sober but because of years of drinking is now very ill.My advise to anyone involved with an alcoholic is to get out you can't fix them that is for them to do you only hurt yourself and your loved ones by staying. |
 | Posted Sep 30th, 2009 at 1:40PM My first marriage was to an alcoholic- I left because I didn't want my two children turning our like him. The best advice I can give you is to know all the bad he said to you is nothing other than a reflection on how he feels inside- No doubt alcoholics hate them self deep inside and know they are all the problem- but your dealing with a person who does not want to see reality because it's 1 too painful and 2 it forces him to make a decision on his drinking- He has not reached the bottom yet by you leaving but that may come soon- You should never put your life on hold because some people do not recover form this.. I personally do not like calling alcoholism a disease because calling it a disease means they have no control over it and I believe they do it's just a matter of finding inside themselfs and making a clear decision to not drink as it ruined their life and others. Pick yourself up dust yourself off your still young and you have bigger things to worry about like your children then to be a babysitter & mommy of a man that doesn't want to face reality and man up to his responsibilities. When I first left my ex I read a book that stated that 9 out of 10 women in bad relationships tend to remarry the same type- the way to break this cycle is to write on a piece of paper (what you want in a man and what you don't want in a man or relationship) this way you can clearly see what is going on and this does make it easier when your in the dating realm again. |
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