He Doesn' Think He's a Alcoholic..

I've been with my boyfriend for years, and he's always drank and smoked pot, but it's gotten increasingly worse. He has all the signs of an alcoholic but I don't know how to break it to him. He's failed college classes because of his drinking, he's been fired from 3 jobs because of his drinking, we've broken up before because of his drinking and I'm scared to ask him to go to an AA meeting because I don't want to make him mad. He is currently jobless because he was fired for not showing up to work (he went out drinking the night before), he had done this several times to his workplace before. So since he needed money I told him to return some expensive jewelry he had bought me since I knew he was struggling financially, and so he did. Later that week he went to a pool tournament in a bar (drank) and then went to a st**p club with his friends afterwards. He swears up and done that he didn't spend any money and that his friends bought him all his drinks, I don't believe him though. Whenever I talk to him about it or express that I am hurt he gets in a huge angry uproar, yells and cusses at me to the point I am in tears and can't talk, then I tell him I don't want to be with him and he gets all nice and sweet again....It's so confusing!!!! Also, he is on a pool team, he is a great pool player and loves to play pool which happens to be in bars, I do not see him ever giving that up for me. He comes over and sees me everyday, says he loves me, but is always negative because he doesn't have a job and it's bringing me down to the point that I just don't want him around, but breaking up now would only make him even more depressed. I don't know what to do at this point, I'm glad I found this site.

Gambit4 Gambit4
22-25, F
5 Responses Feb 26, 2009

Thank you, you're right. I'm sorry that you went through what you did also, getting up enough strength to leave him is my stupid issue. I do it in person and then he won't let me leave, I do it over the phone and it's "impersonal" and well kind of mean to do it that way...But I'll figure it out. Thank you for your comments, they meant a lot. :-)

I was living with an alcoholic for 3 years ,i have aged beyond my years from putting up with him.I lost an increadible amount since the day i first laid eyes on him. I am still suffering because of the things i went through. Always worrying if he was laying dead somewhere. i was always hopeing he would stop drinking , i don't think he has .The best move i ever made was getting away from him, he just disgusts me.He's a user and an abuser. Please put you'r-self first now. Leave him to his own crap, put all that effort into u that u put into him, that u never will b appreciated or respected for no matter how much u give him. You are not suffering alone. Be Good To You.

i went trough living with some one like that for 13 years they never change.

Honestly, he sounds pretty much like loser material.<br />
Talk to him, give him a chance - I guess that's what Jesus would do. But Jesus could probably also turn his wine into water. And you're not Jesus, you're a woman who deserves better.<br />
If this guy's lost 3 jobs already it doesn't sound like he's taking the hints..<br />
I'd leave before I let him pull me down.

Tell him to grow up. Most of the time alcoholics don't admit they have a problem. Until they do you can just be a bystander. You could explain to him how pathetic he acts when he drinks. Not in a way you put him down, but in a loving way. Like I told my bf that I feel unsafe around him when he gets drunk.