Hoplessly In Love

I met B at a bar.

I was newly married but unhappy with my husband. My husband and I had just grown apart and were more friends than lovers, I think because we had been together since we were teenagers we were just out of love.

I met B and immediately fell for him. I told my husband it was over and we split. I never had a physical relationship with B until after I separated from my husband - just to be clear. After we separated, I started seeing Brian. In retrospect, he probably should have just been a rebound guy.

I was 26, he was 25. B was an ex-con with a  history of drug addiction - meth. From the beginning, I saw potential for disaster but chose to ignore it. I was so infatuated I forgave his faults and pursued him. We eventually ended up living together. His lifestyle once we moved in stayed the same as it had been when we met. He would stay out late and drink w/ friends about 3-4 nights a week. He would constantly ignore my calls probably fearing the confrontation he would deal with from me. As time went on, things got worse. I began to dread his days off as I knew he never did anything productive, he literally spent his entire time off work drinking and hanging with his friends. I would get physically ill and couldn't concentrate on those days. He would continually break promises to me to keep in touch and not drink so much. He showed me absolutely no respect.

He began to seriously neglect his share of the responsiblity for keeping the house clean. I did almost all the laundry, dishes, etc.

He began having trouble paying his bills, we had creditors calling everyday multiple times. Then towards the end he began to have his friends over to our house, completely trash the place (beer cans, cigerettes everywhere), and hide out with them in our garage drinking and playing music till late, sometimes 5 a.m. This occurred on a weekly basis if not more.

We had complaints and threats from our apartment manager and neighbors about the noise. I would spend my time alone being frustrated and feeling taken for granted and angry.

Things got so bad he would lie to me about various things, we were arguing about money, his drinking, and we would argue physically sometimes. When he came in the house drunk he would be annoying and wake me up when I had to go to work.

He would harass me and accuse me of cheating when I had been alone all night long waiting for him to come home. I began to lock him out of the house and threaten him with calling the police if he didn't stop. I slapped him twice in the face when he came home drunk and accused me of cheating. I had reached my breaking point. I was a total mess and was falling apart mentally.

I knew then it was time to go. He stood me up on Valentine's Day to drink. Somtimes, he would be already drunk and continue to drink, just take off to the neighbors in the middle of the night w/o telling me and just drink and drink and drink all night until morning. He would get sick from drinking once in awhile. I just saw how much he consumed and it made me ill.

It was terrible. I kept kicking him out, threatening to leave him. Finally I left. I moved back to my hometown, 300 miles away.

Unfortunately, I believe I am a bad co-dependent. I am still seeing and speaking to him on the premise that we will be able to work thru this and he will get his life together. Its been 9 months. I've paid for every single flight down to visit him. He is still in denial that he was doing anything wrong. He constantly still accuses me of cheating when he gets drunk. He doesn't call me or return my calls about 50% of the time. He is bitter and angry at me for leaving and he is drinking and staying out more than ever.

He recently lost his job. They fired him for coming in late and being irresponsible. The thing is, I just can't seem to let him go. I know it would be better for me if I did but I've got some sick thing that I deserve something out of all the hard work I've put into the relationship. I feel guilty abandoning him or something. I truly love him and I wish I could make him respect and love me but I can't. I know I deserve better but I just can't seem to let go of hope.

That's my story...

stitchlover stitchlover
26-30, F
1 Response Feb 27, 2009

You need to go sister. Sorry but find it in your heart to remember the bad stuff. You DEFINITELY should go to an Alanon meeting. They women there will help you tremendously! You sound like you have your act together. Stay strong and go to Alanon!