Looking For Help

I met my boyfriend when i was 14 and he was 17 right at the time that he started drinking. He would drink everyday by hiding vodka in lemonade bottles, he would use it for years to self medicate and deal with his anxiety and depression. He lived off his fathers money, and didnt have a job. Because i was so young i didnt have the guts to say i didnt like it, i even htought it was sorta funny and kool. Whenever i brought it up, he would immediately act as if i was trying to change this hige important part of his personality and that it was a great thing that helped him. He is 21 now and we are still together and he has only just got a job and is starting to see he has wasted his life. He has been to a few AA meetings but didnt really like it so i didnt push the issue. A month ago I told him that I did not want him drinking in my house anymore when he visited me and stayed over. I found saved online conversations he had with his ex girlfriends on my computer while i was asleep at 1am stating he was drunk. I confronted him and he said he had hidden it because he was ashamed. I was very upset and hurt. He says he has now cut back on his drinking and is drinking alot less. However he goes out with his friends now atleast 2 times a week and gets pretty drunk in my opinion, however he thinks 6 beers and 3 cocktails in 5 hours is not much for him. He said he should be able to drink and enjoy himself with his friends without worrying about how many he has. I dont know what i should be expecting from him. Should i expect him to quit and go to AA, or should i accept him drinking this much on the weekends, or will allowing him to "control" his drinking in this way mean he will never conquer it? Am i being a bad person by saying what he is doing is still not good enough, or is this drinking level ok? He thinks it is. But has he really dealt with the issue, what if he lapses into old habbits? I am so lost and have no idea how to help him, i dont know who to talk to or what i should be expecting from him. The drinking only affects me because i hate seeing him throw away his life and i cant be with someone so unmotivated, he loves me but i think he loves alcohol more even tho he denies it. Otherwise wouldnt he have quit already. I think i am an ennabler because i am not strong enough or informed enough to make him understand my point of view. Please help?

sarahly sarahly
2 Responses Feb 28, 2009

Leave he can only help himself you can not do it for him . I married an alcoholic he lost his job house and family . He still trys to inflict pain my kids are in their twenties and they have never had a dad . Move on .

say.."me or alcohol" choose *****