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My Sister's Alcholic Boyfriend

My whole family agrees, my sister's boyfriend is an a**hole.

We don't know what to do anymore.  We have all voiced our concerns about him but it is like talking to a brick wall.

He is not only an alcoholic, but he mentally and PHYSICALLY abuses her.  he is 10 years older than her, (she is 24 and he is 34) and yet he acts like a 5 year old.  He called me 9 times last night, the first I answered and he said "Your sister is in big trouble with her boss, tell her to pick up her phone, or she might lose her job."  a) My sister was just at a photography conference with her boss b) why would he know that? c) it was almost 1 in the morning.  I was fortunately at home from college for spring break and told my mom about it and she told me not to bother my sister with it.  He apparently called my sister over 100 times that night alone.  She is his "go to" whenever he feels the need to drink, kill himself, or is drinking.  This would be ok, but he does it practically every night and she has work the next day. Plus when he is drunk he destroys her house that she lives in with three other girls and has peed in her bed too.

He also is always pressuring her to do sexual things with her and then gives her a guilt trip about it later because "he is a bad Christian" and "she is the devil" for tempting him.

I could go on about this guy, but the point is, she needs him out of her life.

Everyone in my family has told me this is a bad relationship.  She has hit me before and yelled at me once when I asked her to leave him.  Never before did my sister verbally abuse me and she has always been so timid in sweet.  He feeds her lies and in turn feeds us lies.  She is turning into him.

It has been over 2 years since they have been dating.  This can't go on any longer.  I feel the need to involve the authorities might be the only option soon.

Thank you all for your advice.

tarenava tarenava 18-21, F 3 Responses Mar 11, 2009

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Getting drunk and hurting girls is not cool. You should hire a hitman to knock some sense into him.

Thank you for your comment Trying2StayStrong, it was very helpful. I have looked up Alanon meetings in my area, unfortunately they all seem to be quite far away.

I guess since she is a big girl, all I can do is stand back and be there for her when she falls.

Hi Tarenava,



I just left my alcoholic partner, he never hit me, but I went through one hell of a tumultous relationship with him before the authorities stepped in due to his behaviour and now he is facing a long jail sentence.



In a lot of ways it's a relief because I can move on with my life, but the problem is that as a person he's a wonderful man, without the alcohol that is... so you get torn back and forth and ripped to shreds, you lose faith in your convictions and morals and ache for the day that it will all be ok.



Your sister is more than likely trapped in her mind between what is right for her and the guilt or fear she feels about ever leaving him. Her reaction to you is horrible and you didn't deserve to be hit for trying to help, but it sounds as though she's not capable herself to see what she should or shouldn't be doing.



Please believe me when I say, I'm not making excuses at all, I'm just giving you a litle perspective from someone who has been living with alcoholism.



I've been advised to attned a few Alanon meetings - their not just for partners, but for friends and family that have had to live with the effects of a person in their life who is an alcoholic. Maybe you could go, and perhaps suggest to your sister that she goes with you?



I wish I had all the answers in the world for you, just as I wish someone had all the answers for me... feel free to look up my story on here if you like, and feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to. Hang in there and take care of you.