Ok,So I Told Him.

Wow, I love the comment before mine, well said and definitely helpful. It's funny, deep down inside I think we all know what to do, it's just taking that first step. I know from experience. I have an alcoholic boyfriend and I love him, but I don't love what he sometimes becomes. A totally different person. You know I don't believe that you can change a person, you can try to show them a better way of life and hope that person has to want to help himself. Harsh right, I wish you luck, remember it's not going to happen over night we have been together 7yrs and we work on it everyday. Before you guys get too involved and start sharing maybe a home or having kids, really think about it, THINK about is this really how I want to live my life, always struggling and being stressed. Not being able to hang out and go places because his idea of fun is usually centered around a drink. Or maybe, being so embarrassed having to hide the fact that things aren't so great at home from your family. It's hard! My boyfriend almost leads a double life has a career, pays bills, functions just fine during the day but when he binges it's a different story. Honestly your worth more than that don't waste time! Really think about it. The other day was not so good for me and that's how I found this site, post titled "Tired" read it. Anyhow be strong, and after you've really thought about it and your in it for the long hall, be patient. You deserve to be respected. Things may get out of hand but NEVER let him lay a hand on you! My boyfriend has never and he knows that if that ever happened straight to jail he'll go, period. I will not tolerate that kind of behavior! Hope to hear that things are better.

I have not read your previous post, so all I know is what is printed here. However, the answer with alcoholics/addicts/abusers, etc. remains the the same, virtually regardless of the exact details of your particular situation. The answer is that without professional help of some kind, virtually none of these people will ever change permanently. I say "virtually none" because I'm sure there is the rare self-reformed person (of whom we should all be proud, if such person is reading this) who has permanently helped themselves...but for the most part, don't let yourself believe that your boyfriend is one of them. If he cares more about you and how it hurts you, than he does about drowning in his own self pity, then he will seek such help. Alternately, you can choose to OFFER the help in the way of looking up the local Alcoholics Anonymous chapter in your area. You can offer to drive him there, if that makes it convenient for him, but you won't be allowed to attend the meeting itself. There are also AA SUPPORT groups...for the families and friends OF THE ALCOHOLIC that YOU CAN ATTEND. These groups are folks just like yourself with stories just like yours, sharing how they cope with someone who is an alcoholic. That person may or MAY NOT be attending AA classes themselves. But it can help you help them to fix themselves up. That's my suggestion. So far, what you have done is correct. Tell him you're done til he changes. And "CHANGE" does not mean, "Oh honey I love you and won't do it again." YES HE WILL! "CHANGE" means he's getting help...and that means several weeks of having attended AA support meetings...not just a first visit or two. It's 12-step program...make him take several of those 12 before you even begin to consider whether he's committed or not to changing. Regarding your concern that he meets someone else...think about that. So what if he does? If he does, it means he hasn't changed and he's still the same person you cannot tolerate being with in his condition. Why would you want to put up with that? If I were you, I'd feel more sorry for the new gal who's putting up with his crap, than for yourself missing him. YOU GOT THE BETTER DEAL! This is a great test of his love and compassion for you...the test where you love something and let it go...and if it returns to you, that's truly "love." Let him go...but be there to support him IF and ONLY IF he's taking definitive action (specifically AA MEETINGS), to help himself. Otherwise, move on. I assure you, there is some guy somewhere who will love you the same...in fact MORE...because he won't subject you to the crap this guy has through his drinking habit. And the new guy might be quite a hunk! Good luck!