Daughter Of An Alcoholic

It kills me how my family split apart and didn't do so well in life. I feel so bad the pain is still a part of me til today and sometimes it is hard to shake. I found him to be the hierarchy of the family especially since my mother was so ill. He always seemed to have his act together and if something went wrong we came to him. That all ended when I was eighteen when he announced at my high school graduation that his business wasn't doing so well and he was going to claim bankruptcy and soon after that the house foreclosed on. I was devastated to say the least. And you ask me "Why didn't you go to college and get a life" because working a crappy job and trying to survive also having anxiety was enough for me. I also got involved with a man who was very over protective and I shouldn't of married. He suffocated me and he always seems to talk about opening up his own business or doing things but never seems to do them. He also cannot be relied on at all and I felt trapped and I didn't know what to do. I am now coming to accept the circumstances in my life and slowly but surely will make improvisions to move on. I am now in school and trying to move on. It is difficult but what really flabbergasted me is that I never thought my father would take this road in life and put his family in a terrible situation, I mean I Know things happen but that is when you pull together as a family and not apart. He spent a lot of time pulling people apart and not staying together and that is what hurts and how I lost a parent to alcoholism and to mental disease. I've been to doctors and it is just a matter of just getting over it and living my own life. No one is going to be there to help you and you have to believe in yourself and that's that ! hate to sound so cold but that is the truth. If anyone else has a comment or comforting words of wisdom please post. Bella
Bella70 Bella70
41-45, F
2 Responses Feb 10, 2012

I feel your pain, my father was also an alcoholic and it really messed up my entire family. I dont think much people understand how much it effects the children. I had to put off college for 3 years just because i needed to work and help support but now things are turned around and its getting better. But I know where your coming from.