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Recovering From A Long 5 Years...

my mother left my father when i was 17, my dad seemed strong on the outside and we were doing fine but it wasnt until dinner was no longer being cooked and he started missing more and more days of work that i noticed this isnt my dad. i found a bunch of beer cans out in the shed but he denied it all and said that he didnt have a problem. I had to start buying the groceries and support me and my brother. after a year of struggling he finally entered rehab, i thought i hit rock bottom. i would tell everyone i was fine and wait until i was alone to just cry and cry until i couldnt cry anymore, i was broken. This man who i looked up to, admired and adored he was my rock but no he was so weak and desperate i couldnt deal with it all so i dropped out of college. he would come out of rehab then enter right back in after a couple of months. i couldnt bear to go visit or write him, i never talked about rehab with him when he came home.ive also felt that if i didnt talk to him about his problem that it didnt exist. this continued on for the next couple of years. along with the alcholism my dad also suffered from depression which naturally comes along with it. i really missed my dad, he was such a good dad when he wasnt drinking, he would do anything for his children and he loved his grandchildren with all of his heart,he loved to work outside on his truck, we would go on short day trips, we would watch movies together and joke all the time, he was a normal dad when he didnt drink. about 6 months ago my dad was right back in rehab, i finally built enough courage to go visit him, i couldnt believe it, as i sat in the common room i looked around and i thought my dad is not like these people he shouldnt be here, i was so blindsided. my dad is exactly like these people, he cries, shuts people out and turns to alcohol for some sort of solution. i finally talked to my dad about everything and burst into tears, he told me how he felt like he let me down and disappointed me, and that wasnt it at all and i hated that thats the way he felt and he promised me that this was the last time that he was going to let himself get this bad. now things are better, this is the longest he has gone without rehab and hes making a huge improvement i couldnt be more proud of him.
raychelly raychelly 22-25, F May 30, 2012

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