Toxic.

I'm 22 years old, and grew up with both parents being alcoholics.
My home life from early on was pretty unstable, as my mother became an unstable, hostile, violent drunk whereas my father was the functioning alcoholic- going to work every day and ensuring we were looked after, but drank far too much. My parents constantly argued, my mother would get violent and be abusive, they would separate and get back together.. There were many nights spent at a neighbours place because there would be broken glass and furniture throughout the house.
My mother got extremely ill when I was about 7, and I still vividly remember that day. My mother was not there to walk me home from school, that was the first indicator that something was really wrong. When I got home and walked through the door, my mother was being whisked away in a stretcher into an ambulance. There was blood and vomit all over the house, staining the carpet and walls. The bathroom looked like a murder scene, she was vomiting blood and expelling blood while urinating or defecating. I still remember visiting her in the hospital, seeing how yellow and gaunt she looked, so fragile and weak.
Even after that, she continued to drink heavily and often, losing jobs over her addiction.

My parents are now divorced, and I do not speak to my mother. I currently still live with my father as circumstances do not allow me to live on my own or move out, and he drinks daily. On average, 10+ beers a night (7 days a week) and often there's a mickey of whiskey, vodka or other hard liquor hidden in the house for him to get into. He is 62 years old, and recently diagnosed with prostate cancer. He is not physically abusive, or abusive in any way, really. He just drinks to the point he cannot walk straight or is teetering when standing, he has fallen over on numerous occasions. He is still a functioning alcoholic, still working and ensuring bills are paid. He often fails to eat anything all day, just drinking.. he then gets emotional and wants to "talk", which is a one-sided conversation that goes on for hours, and he often repeats himself. He tries to give advice and be helpful but often his words come out as insulting or insensitive. I hate watching him drink himself to death, pushing away everyone that cares. Does it get better? I often wonder... I feel responsible for my father's drinking.
Skye007 Skye007
26-30, F
1 Response Nov 29, 2013

I feel you in this one. I'm really sorry that you've had to watch both your parents slowly kill themselves....