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Disowned

My father has been an alcoholic for many years; I guess I knew it all along, but it has just recently REALLY come into the light.  My husband (fiance at the time) were living in a fix-up property of his.  He lived elsewhere and we worked on his house for free.  My father suggested that we have our wedding at his house, as it was a good location for an outdoor wedding...  Well, we worked day and night on his house.  He paid for our wedding like he always promised.  3 days after my husband and I returned from our honeymoon, he told us to get the f*#$ out of his house because we f*#$ed up his entire life!  That was about Oct. 20th.  Since then, we have not talked or emailed.  His girlfriend, whom I do not get along with, has emailed me to tell me what a bad person I am and to accuse me of stealing things from the house when we moved out.  And to accuse me that my husband and I destroyed the house.  None of that was true and due to the harrassment, I had to change my email and my phone number.  I have decided that I will not subject my husband and I and our future children to my father's alcoholic abuse and behavior.  I feel this is the right thing to do for me... but I am still really torn up about it.  My father emailed my husband more childish garbage about stolen "items" (mind you no specific items were ever listed) and put it in black and white for us both, that he wanted us to move on with our life without him in it.  So I even quit my job, because I worked in a bar that he drank at.  I just am having a hard time getting a grasp on the fact that my father doesn't wan to know me anymore, even though I don't want to know him the way he has become.  Anyone with any helpful advice, please email me.
tbettenbrock tbettenbrock 21-25, F 3 Responses Nov 14, 2007

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Staying away from him is your best bet. Why put yourself and your new family through hell.

Sometimes its just best to turn your back and walk away. I know the feeling of wanting to help and change the situation and the fact that he is your father makes it hard to do so. My father always had an "Im the father, your the son" attitude whenever I tried to help him, even though I was holding the house together, paying the bills, and putting food on the table after my mother passed.<br />
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The way I see it is nothing will change until they hit rock bottom and eventually realize how they got there, and want to help themselves out of it. Worry about the here and now with your husband and enjoy the family you are building with him. Your father will come around when he is ready, but don't dwell on any unhappiness he is causing you and let it disrupt your life, or you'll miss all the good things the present has to offer by dwelling on the past.

I'm sorry to hear that it came down to disowning him. I have an alcoholic father too and the worst part is who they become when they drink. Ive always told myself that I could never completely shut him out of my life even though I have wanted to so many times. A close friend of mine once told me later in life after he has died you will regret which is what happened to her when she least expected it. Ever since she told me that I never wanted to be in that position. Even after all the horrible things he has put me through I would be devastated if he died and I never got to say goodbye or know we were mad at each other when it happened. Of coarse I don't know the entire story behind this But I would keep in touch even if it's just small talk every now and then.