I Don't Know What To Do Anymore

I have been living with alcoholism my whole life. I have learned never to have hope because it always gets destroyed. my mother has been drinking my whole life and my father is a drug addict. I just dont know when i will get a break. All i want to do is get the hell out of my home, i just love my mother so much and have no where to go. I know my mother loves me, but her addiction seems like it is stronger than her love. I can't seem to understand. She will get better and be the mom that I love sooo much. Then its right back to being drunk on the couch acting like a drunk, baby, winney, crying, and more. I don't know how to get out of this situation. I try to get her to go to AA but she won't. She says she wants to get better but she won't. All my life i have been beat up by this disease. I had to move out when I was 12 to my aunts which was horrible too. When i moved back things were better until she started bringing home strange men. She has been better for a little while but lately things have so bad. I don't have my brother to talk to because he just gets angry and yells. When he yells at her it makes me upset because i know it just makes matters worse. he dont understand he does not have to live with it anymore. I just someone to talk to who understands how i feel because no one does.
bethaugust bethaugust
18-21
2 Responses Aug 3, 2010

Hi there. I'm about to be 22 and my mom is a new alcholic...well it started about 5 years ago but the past 2 or 3 years have been horrible. She's lost everything, she's embarrassing, she passes out, she forgets things, she crys and she lies...it's gotten old. I understand how you feel about not knowing what to do and I feel that way too I think because what can we do? It's like a disease. Do we just accept this or go through hell fighting for a battle we will not win? I could go on and on...wish I had somebody to talk to. I just want you to know that obviously you are not alone, it's not your fault, and it's going to hard sometimes but don't give up. My sis thinks yelling at my mom helps but it only makes her depressed and drink more...I've learned to not yell and say hurtful things but how much can you take?

Hi, it has been almost a year since I wrote and I haven't looked at it because it is hard to read. My mother is worse than ever and I do not know what to do. She wants to stop but doesn't have the will power. I am about to be 22 this year like you were last year. How are you dealing with it. I have never met anyone besides my brother that knows what I am going through and how I feel. Its good to hear about other people's stories. I have been trying to fight and help her but I cannot win. I do not want to loose all communication with her but I do not know what to do and I cant keep putting myself through this. I just want one day when I have kids for them to have a grandmother but i doubt they will..Thanks for your comment and telling me your story

there are many many out there who understand how you feel. do you have transportation? You should find some local alanon meetings - try more than one and try each one more than once - and find a group that you feel supported in. You said it: Her addiction IS stronger than her love. All you can do is tell her how she is affecting you, but you cannot make her stop. You have to take care of yourself, that's it.