Milwaukees Best Light

I have never seen my mom without a beer and a cigarette in all my 29 years. As far as I know my sister and I were growing in her womb while she drank and smoked the entire time... As a child, it was perfectly normal to always see mom with her coolie cup with a beer in it, I thought nothing of it until I got older and noticed the other parents didn't do that. She and her boyfriend at the time would go to the bar literally every single day of the week, even holidays. I was raised in bars and feel perfectly comfortable in them now! They would start drinking at around 9 in the morning and carry on until bedtime. I now understand why we never did anything special as kids like traveling or going to any fun places, beer wasn't an option then. We never ate at restaurants or went out after dark for anything except Halloween once a year or a couple choir concerts I had a year. At her worst she probably drank almost a 24 pack a day and smoked a couple packs of cigarettes. These were dark times in my childhood, she wasn't happy because she was with an abusive man who was also an alcoholic and she was spending all of our money on him and his farm animals and their addictions.  Of course she didn't have a job, we lived off of my sister's father's VA money.  We were poor, living in a dirty trailer with a nasty man and she just wasn't there for us like she should have been. I started raising my sister from the age of 10 when mom started letting us stay home on the weekends instead of going to the bar with her every single weekend. I watched her all day on the weekends and after school until they got home until I moved out at 18. Someone even called child services on us when I first started watching her, but mom got lucky and I passed the quiz the man gave me. My little sister moved in with me and my college roommates because she was failing school and mom wanted to try homeschooling, so I homeschooled her while going to college and trying to be a normal 18 year old with my first serious boyfriend... it was HARD. We had no money and she was a handful to put it nicely. When I turned 21 or so I just couldn't take it anymore, she was taller than me and stronger and we couldn't get along, so mom took her back. She had a new house, a new boyfriend who treated her well, and had cut back on her drinking with his help. I think he saved her (unfortunately he had cancer and died around this time). Thankfully, she has cut back quite a bit and starts drinking later in the day now. She works at a bar as a bartender and has to drink soda or water while doing that, so that's good. I don't think I can ever forgive her for the way she raised us, even though I understand it's an illness, it has affected my life in so many ways. Maybe it's made me stronger or something, but I'm just angry mostly.
milanne milanne
26-30, F
1 Response May 14, 2012

ahh sometimes its hard for your mother to see the kids are not given what she wanted and thankful enough that you grown well and though she maybe not told you about it for all the reasons in the world but im sure she is proud of you and what you become,and now that your adult and matured enough to raise your own family always think about the past so that when you have your own you can give them all the things you miss when your young and somehow you can be happy with your own family,and try to forgive your mom for what she did when she was with you and try to be friendly and treat her as a family.