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Binge Drinker

So, I don't know if you can call my mom an alcoholic, but I wouldn't call her sober either. She doesn't drink everyday, but when she drinks, she DRINKS. It usually lasts about a week. She gets really crazy...

When my mom is drunk she drives, she has crashed the car, she has spent the night in jail for being drunk in public, she storms around the house and kicks everyone out, she falls a lot, she fell one time and ended up with a bump on her head the size of half an egg, she tried to kiss my boyfriend while at the bar, she told my boyfriend I hate him when she was drunk for no reason, she yells at everyone for random things, she has a completely different personality and acts like she is a teenager, she has cheated on my dad multiple times while out drinking, she has taken thousands of dollars to a bar only to have it stolen because she left her purse on the bar, she has lost five jobs because she didn't show up for work and was out drinking... multiple times at each job, she gets drunk and cries at family gatherings and holidays, she has been kicked out of several bars and permanently banned from one because of how crazy she gets, she will leave and not come home for days at a time, she came to the birth of her first grandchild hungover/still drunk from the night before... etc etc

As if dealing with her crap wasn't enough stress, I worry about her so much. She isn't the greatest driver sober, and I don't like to think about her driving drunk. I even find myself driving around to all the bars in the city some nights just so I can find her and take her keys. She's also really gullible and trusting, and I worry about her meeting the wrong kind of people.

When my mom isn't drinking, she's tolerable, even sometimes enjoyable, and I want her in my life. But when she's drinking, I cannot stand her at all, she's just insane. She has done many things that have hurt me a great deal and I have tried to cut her out of my life several times. I have gone for months without talking to her. Then I end up feeling bad and giving in because she will call sober and leave messages on my phone acting all nice and sweet. At this point, I almost wish she would drink everyday so I could just stop going back and forth between wanting her in my life and not.

I have tried to help her. I have tried everything possible. I even went to AA with her. It's getting harder now that I'm a mom. I already feel cheated because I didn't have that great of a mom growing up (she had LOTS of other issues before the drinking.) I was hoping that she'd at least be a good grandmother to my kid, but it's not looking that way so far.
MashedPotatoes26 MashedPotatoes26 26-30, F Jun 18, 2012

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