I Am Unsure How It Started
maybe a sip here? Or maybe a bottle there?
My mom is an alcoholic. She has been one for as long as I can remember. It seems inebriated minds think alike as she married my alcoholic abusive father.
I think my mother's alcoholism stems from a long line of abuse, a long line of pain, and a long line of hopelessness.
After a bit you begin to wonder though. She has me, she has two other wonderful children. Good in school, well-mannered. Loving as can be. Why?
With my mom's drunkeness comes hurtful words, and even more hurtful actions. She becomes *very* suicidal when drunk and down. In one period of about 5 months she had attempted suicide an estimated (my memory is kinda fuzzy..I clearly remember two..but that leaves a hospital trip still there..).
One of these suicide attempts harmed us. It was a fire. And us kids were harmed. She wasn't.
In my daily life I don't talk about it. I blame it on a neurological condition she has. I blame it on her being sick. I have never once said the words "my mom is an alcoholic". Never. I won't. I can't.
On here...IDK I get a sort of courage to discuss the demons.
There is a lot of bad thougts and bad memories, and it shows in me. When she comes to visit me (btw, we were taken from her and put into foster care) I can't sleep, I hardly eat and I lie awake at night thinking.
Currently. I refuse to drink. At parties I am offered and I make some lame excuse and my friends give me odd looks..but they don't know.
Currently. My brother and sister are both into drugs and my father has died due to his alcoholism.
Currently. I am surviving.