Not Beer But Wine.

I know most parents get really drunk off of beer.  My mother gets REALLY REALLY drunk after wine.. My mom has a weak tolerance, which basically means 2 bottles can make her VERY drunk..  She drinks about 8 bottles. Her excuse is always wine is good for your blood. She gets extrememly mad all the time. My step dad (who is great) is going through hell. My mom always feels ALONE or NOT WANTED, Its gotten to the point where when I see her face I get angry.. I'm only 15. I just turned 15 basically.  She lies and tries to manipulate me all the time.  I have ALOT of other issues in my life and I don't need this.  She can't walk in a straight line after about 6:00pm everyday.  She always hits the walls or falls.  She's been in the hosiptal 3 times for injuries because of this issue.  She's been in 2 car accidents.  Not with other people, but with objects.  She burned her leg when she was getting the food out the oven while she was drunk and had HORRIBLE 3 degree burns ALL over her leg and some on her arm.  She always talks about how she is going to leave ect ect.. She has a lot of guy friends (she's a great, pretty, beautiful woman)  and they always say I'm being a bad daughter and I need to be nicer. THEY DON'T LIVE WITH HER!  If they really cared about her like my step dad and I do then they would help her get help.  She has been to rehab countless times, and I've stayed with my friends.  Because of her rehab I have missed so many experiences.  I won't let her ruin my life.  REHAB doesn't work, because she never stays in there for the right amount of time.  She may stop drinking for a week, but then we find the drinks in her "water" bottle or her "cranberry juice".  Its ridiculous. We get in countless fights all the time.  I don't know how much more I can take.

 

It kinda feels good to know I'm not alone.

 

SadAlone149 SadAlone149
13-15, F
4 Responses Feb 23, 2010

i know what you are going through, and you are not alone and i am finally starting to see that its not my fault its hers i have given up trying to make her see what she is dong because always drunk anyways so by the next morning she cant remember. it is not your fault either this is your mums problem you just have to let her live with the consequences. i know its hard because your now old enough legally to do anything about it. but maybe you could talk to a relative about moving in with them for a while. <br />
xx

Jen that is just like my Mum too.....i dont get this at all :( WISH It WOULD STOP<br />
<br />
GREAT ADVICE THOUGH people. thanks.<br />
<br />
i love that i am not alone xxxxxxx

Great advice Jen.<br />
<br />
Well hunni reading your story is very familiar to me. I am 26 and my Mum has drank since I was very very young. She is (or was) beautiful on the outside, everyone always said how gorgeous she is but she is ugly on the inside and now that is reflected outside also. Brandy (straight) is now her choice of drink and she can go through 6 bottles at push in a day but usually 2 - 3 a day (and I don't mean the small ones lol). she used to drink wine mainly then sometimes vodka but always brandy came in now and again and now only brandy.<br />
<br />
I remember being your age and feeling so hopeless about the situation. I told nobody but those very close to me (just 2 friends knew) because I thought nobody would understand what I was going through. Some people said nasty things about me at school because they said I tried to act older than I was. Little did they know that my walk home everyday was filled with dread of what I would find when I got home, whether it would be her passed out on the patio wasted to finding she'd wet herself and her telling me I'd better sober her up before my Dad got home.<br />
<br />
She too would send me out to get booze (when I was old enough to pass for 18) she'd start a huge war if I resisted when friends were there so I'd be so embarrassed I'd just give in to shut her up.<br />
<br />
She too has had car accidents, one into a wall because she thought she was riiding a horse and was jumping a wall... another when I got a phone call at 16yrs old from the police saying they'd found her on an off road with her head cut open. They just said that, I thought she was dead! She didn't care how it made me feel because she never did, only about herself. She liked to see the effect her devastating behaviour had on us because that, in some demented way, meant she was in control, how selfish can you be!!!?<br />
<br />
She too has been in hospital more times than I can remember, she's had electric shock treatment and that didn't even help (she is also bi-polar, add alcohol = not good although she is more an alcoholic that bi-polar, she just has bi-polar episodes now and again). <br />
She has been in loads of rehabs but they never work because a) she doesn't want to get better and b) they don't enforce anything and they let them out!! They say they have to build up trust by going out and coming back of their own accord... then if she gets drunk they kick her out anyway!! How wrong can that stupid system be!! IT DOESN'T WORK!!<br />
<br />
She too burned her arm badly when she was drunk, she was having a *** in the bathroom, passed out and fell into the bath tap turning the hot water on (one of those lever taps) and laid there for god knows how long while the water poured onto her arm. She had to have skin grafts and is scarred for life, stupid cow.<br />
<br />
I once gave her a chance to make it up to me when I was 14 and she took me to the swimming baths and to go on the sunbed. While she was on the sunbed I got thirsty so went in her bag to get a drink... the sprite bottle was filled with vodka. I cried and said I was leaving and my friend was picking me up but she wouldn't let me. She made me get in the car with her when she was drunk, then after I went upstairs and slammed my door at home she took off again. <br />
After being up all night with the police searching for her they brought her home. I ran up to her to hug her crying and she stopped me and said 'did that teach you a lesson'? <br />
<br />
Manipulation and guilt trips are only tools to give her some pleasure, DON'T let it affect you as that is exactly what she is looking for.<br />
<br />
I got so fed up of her self-pitying, negative outlook on everything, constantly seeking attention and 'feel sorry for me' attitude, I too would just look at her and be so full of anger I'd just want to punch something. The thing is though (that I have learned in time after alot of head banging against brick walls) that it really isn't worth it. <br />
<br />
When someone is so self involved and the parent-child relationship has been reversed for so long that they are completely dependant on you for support, changing that dynamic is very rare and difficult... and not something that you can do. <br />
<br />
She has brought so much negativity over my life that I no longer have contact with her as I have chosen to live my life - happily and for me, I cannot do this with her in my life... constantly trying to drag me down to make herself feel better!<br />
<br />
I just wanted to tell you that I am so sorry you're going through this but you are not stuck in this forever and you can choose your own path in life. You donb't have to be like your Mum you can learn from her mistakes and make sure you don't repeat them. I started going out alot and looking for love elsewere but that isn't the answer. When you live in it, it is so consuming that you see no light at the end of the tunnel but once you are a legal adult you can make your own choices in life.<br />
<br />
Until your Mum wants to change she wont change and you do better to pity her than feel so emotionally involved because that's where the anger comes from... because you care so much but she doesn't it's hurtful and hard to deal with everyday. It is NOT your fault she acts like this and you are NOT a bad daughter but just remember YOU are the daughter not her and although people are putting this pressure on you, try to be strong and ignore it. It is just emotional blackmail and you must ignore it.<br />
<br />
Sorry for the essay I just don't want you to feel hopeless like I did. I hope knowing I have been through the same things will go some way to helping you. I am soooooo happy now... I have just had a little boy and I am with a man that accepts me for me and loves me and for the first time in a long time, I have allowed myself to let someone in and love too as for so many years I just couldn't let anyone that close for fear of being hurt. What I'm tring to say is that it WILL get better, you WILL get past this and you WILL have a wonderful life... like I said before... pity the fact she has wasted her life on alcohol and vow to be a better person, you will be fine. Always keep smiling through everything in life and you wont go wrong xxxxxxxxxxx

Sweetheart, Please don't ever feel like you've done anything wrong. I am 28 years old and am going through this with my mom. She drinks 1-2 bottles of wine per day and then when she runs out, she drinks vodka. She then plays the victim and starts saying that it's all my dad's fault (they've been divorced for 15 years)... It's all bullshit. Please keep your head up and don't get sucked into the drama. Ignore her when she's like this and find a healthy outlet for yourself like a counselor, another "mom" figure, or sports/creativity. It doesn't get any better until people stop protecting her. They have to hit rock bottom before it gets better. I'm sad that you are experiencing this at this young, vulnerable age, where you need your mom the most. Be smart, have safe sex (if you're having it), stay off drugs, and stay in school as long as possible. keep your head up!