I Hate Anxiety But I Wouldnt Be Me Without It..

Ive had anxiety for as long as I can remember. My anxiety got so bad that I would feel faint and get sick. I know what its like, always shaking on the inside, always running from what I fear the most. Im out of energy and have no time to enjoy myself. I nearly dropped out of school. Believe me when I say, I know how hard it can get. I have GAD, Social Anxiety, OCD & Depression all wrapped up in one. It wasnt until my anxiety was at its worst that I turned to God, I started seeking Him & I have found Him. I believe without my anxiety I wouldnt have a reason to lean on God, I might not even know who He was. I believe we all have Disorders for a reason, Weather that reason is to make a difference or turn to God. Without it, I wouldnt have known how good it feels to help out and volunteer. I wouldnt have met my friends and I wouldnt be at this awesome school right now. I wouldnt love nature as much as I do now, I wouldnt be me without it. I have to fight extra hard though the simplest things in life but that just makes me stronger. Anxiety is not a weakness, Its a chance to let Gods light shine through you. 
I pray that you get the chance to see the good that anxiety has given you.
I know it seems impossible now but theres gifts that come with the curse, its not all bad.
God bless you all & Let God lead the way.
PainfullyAvoidant PainfullyAvoidant
18-21, F
4 Responses Jan 7, 2012

Like you, I also struggle with GAD and depression. I wasn't dx until 5 yrs ago when I was 45. I spent my whole young-adulthood afraid to take chances, having diarrhea (sorry) in response to anxiety, feeling like I never measured up, doubting myself. It got unbearable when I had children. Had my first full blown anxiety attack when my 2nd child was 12 weeks old. I ended up in the hospital, separated from my newborn, for 6 days. The drs thought I had a blood clot in my lung b/c I had had recently given birth and had chest pain. Made it thru that nightmare, without a dx of GAD, and struggled on for 4 years. Finally, I was having chest pains constantly, unable to sleep. My dr. suggested meds. My mother told me to just "be strong" and not buckle under it. No one knows what it is like -- unable to control your thoughts, lying in bed all night agonizing and worrying obsessively. That's when I first tried Wellbutrin and had an awful response to it. Detoxed from that and my dr really encouraged me to try Cymbalta and I haven't looked back. After the GAD was relieved, I thought to myself, "why didn't I do this sooner?" It has changed my life.<br />
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Don't give up. And yes, the recognition that our anxiety can have its gifts is true. We are aware, sensitive, and thoughtful. Embrace what it good and get help for the rest.

So wise for someone so young too....I've realized it will be a part of me probably forever. As the saying goes...It's not the situation, it's how we handle that situation"..

i wish my boyfriend's anxiety and depression will end like yours

It sounds like you made a breakthrough that can give hope to other people. Meditation, spirituality and finding what I love to do in life helped me deal with my anxiety as well. Congrats!