Umm... Where Do I Begin Or Where Did I Begin?
Okay, well, I have strugled with bulimia for almost two years now. I've struggled with anorexia for eight months. I have lost so many things to this eating disorder. I regret doing it everyday. Yet it's so hard to stop. I started at 130 pounds. I'm now at a BMI of weighing 116. My goal is 85 pounds. I have this strange obbsession with needing to feel hurt. Eating Disorders are also a form of self-mutilation. So, I guess that's where I get it from. My dad had anorexia. Although I didn't know him very well at all. Because he was never around. (dead now...March 14, 2003) It is however genetic. So, I guess I'm going to give myself a break and blame it on him. Afterall, he's not here to e mad at him for doing so, why not. I am no longer struggling. Because I no longer care what people think of it. I have lost so many friends in this leaving me to feel alone and hopeless that this is all I have. I'm living in denial about it. I have never been diagnosed by a doctor. I'm going to ask my theripst on Thursday if she thinks I have one. Honestly, if she says I do I will probably just say I don't. If she says I don't I will be upset deep down, but cheer as if I knew I didn't and I'm happy that I don't on the outside. Why would I do this? Because it really is all I have. I have to go to court to testify and as the day gets closer I get deeper into this so-called eating disorder that I "don't" have.
If you have any questions feel free to ask me at any time.
I will never judge you.