Waste

I eat  and throw up when I feel depressed.  I know this is wrong but I cannot seem to stop it.  It's a waste of money and bad for my health but sometimes I don't even provoke it, I just feel nausea after eating and I have to let it out.  This time is even worse because I saw her picture.  She's an older, fatter, trashier version of me and I want to be as different as I can from her.
shitsuren shitsuren
26-30, F
4 Responses Apr 18, 2007

I completely understand how you feel and what you're doing. I have the identical problem, and sometimes I torture myself to compensate for the waste and damage I've committed or am about to commit. For example, I avoid eating out to save money and console myself for all the money and time i've wasted on the groceries I've thrown up....and I also avoid it to relieve myself of the anxiety eating out provokes i.e. being in a situation where I have absolutely no control over my food intake and what I'm eating. Also being put in a situation where I feel really helpless and under pressure to seem normal and eat like a normal person so I order something that is an even worse trigger and either throw it up later or skip meals afterwards and then become so hungry, the vicious cycle repeats and I binge, and then purge and so on and so on. UGH! When will this end! <br />
I even try and do scare-tactics where I read articles about all the risks of bulimia and it's negative side-effects (teeth-decay, heart attack, death!) And yet, even knowing all that, when I'm caught in the moment, I wipe my memory clear and binge/purge in a manic, crazy way where my actions are more powerful than my intentions. Man, what are we supposed to do? It's like I need a lock-down button in my kitchen to press whenever I start to feel the urge. Once I start...there's no stopping.<br />
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Feel free to message me if anybody else suffers from this

i know how you feel, i have been bulimic for 2 years, and its horrible, but i cant stop. message me if you want.

I understand how you feel. I experience the same problem sometimes! I guess your body gets so addicted to the disorder that it just needs to puke to feel better!

It will be a long time before you are old, and it is up to you whether you will be "trashy" or not. You are young, and probably beautiful, but so unhappy with yourself that you are trying to make yourself smaller and smaller until you finally waste away. Bulimia can stay with you for years, and ultimately will damage your stomach, your teeth, and other important bits of you. Believe me, I know. Get some counselling now, so you can maintain your weight without starving yourself. You CAN do it.