Denial

I don't really know when it started. I guess it was a few months ago. I had just started freshman year in high school. I am under a lot of stress. I have never weighed over 96 pounds. I lost about ten pounds in those first three weeks. I have gradually lost more. The more I lose the better I feel. I am in denial of my eating disorder. I don't think I have a problem. I'm fat and need to fix it. I recently started binging and purging. It feels good to get that nasty fat away from me. I have a goal weight. I don't know if I will be happy. I want my arms to be thinner. I will probably need an actual diagnosis for everything to come into prospective. I am a coward and will never tell anyone. I will just have to wait till I get too sick. I am allready. I get headaches, nausia, dizzines, and overall pains and aches. I wish my hips were thinner. They stick out so much. It's disgusting. Sorry if I'm rambling. I'm not good at this. People say I'm ruining my life, and this is a slow painful suicide. I want to kill myself anyway. I guess it doesn't matter then.
kotori4444 kotori4444
13-15, F
2 Responses Dec 13, 2012

i have an eating disorder to. i to feel fat and i have an urge to fix it to and the only way i feel like i can to this is by puking everything out that i eat. I started this when i was in grade 7 and i just cant seem to stop. I just want to have a flat stomach that's all and if this is the only way i can achieve it I'll do this until i reach my goal.

It's not suicide. Have a goal, but make sure it isn't one you can't reach. Dieting is healthy, but if you're already at a low weight, you don't need to. Try water fasts, but with veggies and fruits.

Message me if you need anymore help. [: