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Recovery And Sickness.

Hi all,

I just want to vent for a little bit, there's a small hidden question in this story, but I think we all know the ("just eat stupid *****!") answer to that. ;-)

First of all: I'm in recovery from a shifting eating disorder (diagnosisses are rather strict in terms, therefor my disorder shifts around between restrictive bulimia nervosa, EDNOS and anorexia nervosa), my great motivation is the fact I'm having surgery in late January: my BMI has to be 18,5 for that.
Since christmas I've been sick, it's probably a nasty case of the flu, even though I was starting to get worried it could be pneumonia yesterday, now I doubt that because I feel slightly better today.
I had a hard time eating these days (and to think christmas usually is a binge fest for most people) and now my food supply has ran out: I'm in trouble.
Since I'm sick I lost about 5 lbs and both the scale and the mirror shows me something I like and have really missed (bones! <3), wich triggers the need to continue this: I know I should go to the store (stores are closed tomorrow) to get food, but I just can't.
It's frustrating: I can't go and buy and eat food, but I know I can't keep restricting like this either, no "healthy weight" = no surgery and no surgery = not an option.

Really fed up with myself right now, so I I think this rant was totally reasonable.
Thanks for letting me rage a little bit. :-)
Scarcollection Scarcollection 22-25, F 4 Responses Dec 31, 2012

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Oh wait! I can put a heart! Oh sorry lol. <3 <3 <3 <3 hehehe.

Love yourself. I want to say more but this is more of a rant and sometimes its good to rant lol ;D, I believe in ranting is good for the soul. But seriously love yourself because everyone else loves you, and even if they don't its their loss and not yours. You really have to think of yourself as the shiznit cos you are! :D I would put a heart but everytime I do that on EP it messes up for some reason or the other it does this --> <3

<p>It was very reasonable..I restrict myself too..but I am fat..I wish I would stop that ****..because starving is not the answer...I mean how long would it take to lose 40 lbs anyway eating just crackers and water...it just HURTS too much..my stomach..can't do it..and food tastes so good...my theory is if others have abused me, why abuse MYSELF further..that's part of why I stopped cutting..</p>

Are you really 40 lbs overweight or do you just want to lose 40 lbs? There's a big difference in that.
Also: an eating disorder is not a diet, my problem isn't that I can't keep up with 'not eating', my problem is that I can't force myself to eat often, even when it's really needed now.

I wish you healthy, both mentally and physically. :-)

I would call it an "extreme diet" :(
I would tell you my stats privately but do you know feet and pounds? You're in Europe..so I ask..my bf doesn't know farenheit only celcius..we have a hard time discussing the weather? lol

I complain about that all the time... Imperial is just a crappy system.
By now I know pounds, but since it seems you guys keep changing how feet work: I could convert it if you would call it in only inches. :-p

And do you call how you want to lose 40 lbs "extreme diet" (the official term is crash diet) or do you think eating disorders are extreme diets?
Because if only they were...

So sorry that you are having to deal with this. Of only it were as easy as "just eat!" If it were you wouldn't be asking for help. Unfortunately I don't have any answers but can relate.