I Am BulimicI am bulimic. I don't want to be this way. Or maybe I do. I sit on the fence and I want to be able to eat without the compulsion to throw it up. But the thought of not having it terrifies me. In a weird way throwing up is my safety net. When I can't control anything else, I can control that. No one can make me eat or keep it down if I don't want to.
I wish it was only about the control. I wish it was. But it's about vanity too. I love being thin. I measure myself all the time. Making sure my waist doesn't get a fraction bigger. I hate myself for that. I do. I feel like i deserve to have have to live with this for being so superficial.
I don't know. I don't even want to write this because I feel so... wrong.