I Just Really Need To Tell Someone This.

I am a 15 year old girl, for the last couple of months I have been feeling bigger. I always have been self aware about my body, but latley I have been letting that little voice in my head get to me. Last time I ate was Wenesday at dinner I had half a cesar salad. It's Friday night and I can't help but get the thought out of my head that I have lost 5pounds!! I have dropped 3 pant sizes since I was in grade 8. (3 years ago.) I weigh about 139. I keep fighting with myself about food. Thinking an apple or some fruit won't hurt, but then mabye I will start to notice how hungery I really am. I get away with out eating dinner by yelling at my parents so the don't want to deal with me... Then I take it down to my room and "Eat" it. Last week I tried to make myself vomit. I ended up not doing it my friend had to come over and take me stop. I have been crying myself to sleep for the last 3weeks. This stress has never gotten to me this bad before. It feels like it's all just like hitting me all at once. It feels like I have no friends and everyone hates me, when you tell someone of course they are going to say that they will be there for you but it just doesn't feel like they mean it. I started cutting again! I stopped for 5months!! I hate being in this place, It scares the living hell out of me. Going to bed.. With New cuts and no food.
Goodnight.
CowgurlLexi CowgurlLexi
13-15, F
2 Responses Jan 18, 2013

I encourage you to get help asap!! Please do not go down this road!! It is not fun and it will consume you. I am 35, been Anorexic since I was 16, been in and out of treatment(4 in patient) 7 years of counseling and I still fight everyday!! I wish I could help young girls to see there beauty!! ED is scary!! If you need someone to talk to, I'm here!!

I'll be here for you, go ahead and hit me up if you wanna talk. I'm not one to abandon people. I'm in the same boat. I'm struggling and progressively getting worse. I'm down to egg whites, pizza sauce, muscle milk, tabasco sauce, celery and water.. I can't eat anything else or I'll have to puke it up, and I hate doing that. Don't puke hun, it ruins your teeth and you can rip your esophagus.. if you have to do something, fast intelligently, eat a little here and there, exercise as much as you need, and drink water. Don't puke.. it's so horrible to get addicted to. I went to bed with new cuts last night. Inner thigh. Talk to me, I'm here :)

Thanks. ya I will msg you..