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I need help.....I believe everyone is beautiful and that size shouldnt matter....
but for some odd reason i cant control myself
all i want is to make people happy, ive been through alot of physical and emotional abuse in my life and im afraid when people arent happy with me. So when people bully me and my foster parents call me fat i get really insecure. I was in a situation where i was not feed much for years, and actually starved. I was in a bad foster home where they fed me so little i was only 20 pounds at age five....im not used to food and dont feel like i deserve it.
Im about 95 pounds and am almost 15, and have a 25inch waist...Everyday I tend to only eat dinner and sometimes a snack here and there... however i tend to purge every-time i have a full length meal (including dinner) and do a 500-800 calorie work out every day. I dont feel like i deserve food. I take laxatives and am honestly obsessed and dont know what to do. Im hurting myself and my future but im so terrified of what people think of me, people say im skinny but when i look in the mirror i see something different. I dont want attention, i prefer hiding in the shadows but i want everyone to be happy, and i dont feel like i deserve to eat, does that make any sense?
i dont know. Ive have been this way for years, I suffer depression too and alot of things go on in my life (not to complain for im lucky to be alive :) ) and all this eating disorder stuff is adding stress. People tell me to "Just eat" and to "just stop" but for some odd reason i just cant end these eatinf disorders so easily. every day my foster parents hurt me and say things about my body and so do other people.... i just dont know what to do, im sorry
onelittlecat onelittlecat 13-15, F 1 Response Jan 25

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Cat,
Your size doesn't matter. Most of your life feels out of control,but your food intake is the one thing you do control.
I'm sorry for the life you've been stuck with....it sucks but all I can really tell you is to stay strong and before you know it you'll be old enough to be on your own and leave those people behind you.
I wish you peace, I wish you love, but most of all I wish you a future filled with happiness.