My Story

Hey Everyone!
I've had an eating disorder for 2 years....I think its EDNOS, but no one really has ever said specifically if it was that or Ana....I don't have a distorted view of my body, so thats probaly why I'd be more of Ednos.

Anyhow...It really flares up during stressfull times....Like I just moved and now going to a new school, in a new town, away from my boyfriend, and I have finals coming up soon!! 

It originally started as a diet.  I use to be a swimmer, so I had some big muscles  in my arms from that.  I saw a family photo that was taken, and I know it was muscle, but I just looked so huge!!  I never want to look like that again.  Originally I lost a bunch of weight, then I gained it all I'm almost back down to my lowest weight again.

I am seeing pdoc and have a I know I'll eventually be okay.

Sometimes it is really scary not being able to eat...I feel like crying because I use to have control over the food, but now it controls me.  I wonder if I'll ever get over it....I want to get better, but at the same time, I need my ED to get through my day....Obviously I'm not ready to get rid of it yet.

My pdoc wants to put me on meds that will keep me from loosing weight, but I'm not too sure if I'd be willing to go on it.

Anyhow, thats me in a nut shell!

HunnyBee HunnyBee
22-25, F
3 Responses Jul 30, 2007

i totally understand where you are. I am a swimmer to and everytime i look at my arms i get completly sick. i try and tell myself that they are beautiful because of what they help me accomplish but honestly i just want to be skinny again, and that feeling of accomplishment only comes when i am. I also get how scary it is to not feel like you control over food. i just wanted to let you know you arent alone, and i believe there is more to life than this and we will all find it someday.

Hiya hon, I feel your pain and frustration. I have battled my eating disorder for 14 years now. At first you feel like you are in control of your diet, but then before you know or even realize it it begins to control you. You are EDNOS if you do not meet all of the anorexic criteria. I am technically EDNOS, though I have only 14 pounds to go until I can officially be diagnosed ana. I don't know if that is a good or a bad thing, seems I have lost control. Meds to keep you from losing weight? Sounds scary to me! I won't even take any medication prescribed for me until I have researched whether or not it may cause weight gain. In fact, complained to my doctor about my low body temperature and he put me on medicine to raise my temperature...the medicine also helps with wight loss, which he didn't think of when he prescribed it! I know it was sneaky, but when you feel the compulsion to be skinny nothing gets in the way! <br />
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I am here for you ANYtime you need/want to talk. <br />
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What is EDNOS? I am recently having struggle with food which is a very new thing for me. I've always been natrually thin, but in college I gained a good 20 pounds, and HATE being "normal" weight. I battle with not eating for one week, and then I can't stop myself the next. I bounce between a 20 pound difference. At my lowest, my friends comment on how great I look, and how jealous they are, but as soon as I gain those 20 pounds back (it seriously only takes about a week) the compliments are no longer there. I am reading all of these stories, and it's a little scary to consider myself having an eating disorder.... sorry for rambling! Just felt like sharing my story. ;)