Ana Girl - a Traumatic Story to Me

I have always had a negative relationship with food.

When I was about 6 or 7 I hardly ate, I can't really remember why, I think I just hated food.

I have been bullied since I can remember.

As I got older I started eating more, and as the bullying got worse, I started over eating.  When I was about 13/14 I put on about 3 stone in a year, which lead to more bullying.

When I finished high school (at 15, because I live in england so we have a different educational system) i weighed about 12 and a half stone.

I have been deeply affected by the bullying.

About halfway through my first year of college I decided to loose weight, to try and be healthy.  I only wanted to get to a size 12 (american 8), but then when I got to a 12, I couldn't stop, I got so used to seeing my weight go down.  I lost 4 stone in 5 months.  My weight is still going down now, not as fast, but little by little.  I can now fit into any size between a 6 - 10 (american 2 - 6).  I am 5'3" in height and I keep getting told I have anorexia.  I eat, not a lot, but a little bit a day.

It's strange, I've never wanted anorexia, but I want to carry on loosing weight, I'm not perfect yet.  I don't want to look like these women in the media, I just want to look good in my head.  

My eating habits really did change when I stopped self harming, my personal tutor says that my lack of eating is another way of self harming, but it's not.  I just want to look pretty.

I have not really said about the bullying, and I didn't intend to, it was hard enough to go through, and I don't like thinking about it.

Opinions appreciated as to whether you think I may have a problem or not.

missfreddie missfreddie
18-21, F
2 Responses Feb 19, 2009

That is true. & Ana isn't something that you can acheive, it is a mind problem with being in control and leads a "if only" method, like "if only" 5 more lbs would drop. And this goes on and on....

anorexics eat. I ate. not a lot but i ate enough not to die. (even though my heart failed but hey i'm still here)