Dangerous Setbacks

It's like a drug; I purge just that one time and I'm doing it everyday until I just can't do it anymore.  I'm on my semi-starvation diet again.  It's better by far that purging.  I have a couple esophageal lesions that have healed.  They are exceedingly painful.  You throw up blood and you have to be on a liquid diet and painkillers until it heals.  And painkillers are only fun if you DON'T need them...LOL.  But it's like being addicted to drugs: "okay, I'm only going to purge one day; this is the only weekend when I purge; I'll only purge during my period then I'll stop;".... and on and on.  I'm so ashamed of it because people who don't understand it find out about it and become grossed out and make you feel like crap.  That really helps an eating disorder! 

JennyMcNeill JennyMcNeill
26-30, F
1 Response Feb 28, 2009

I think this is similar to other things that many of us struggle with in the same way. You're not alone nor are you wierd for having this problem. We all have some problem that is really hard to beat and we think just the same way you do about purging.