Today was hard. I want to be 90 pounds again.
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26-30
6 Responses Aug 20, 2014

I am at 115 now because if a week vacation but otherwise I weigh 111 pounds. I want to get to 105 pounds and then 100

5'2. I am already anorexic and bulimic and I hate it, buy I don't think I really have anorexia

Do I? I don't look like I am anorexic? Some days I eat 300 calories and then 1300, but I try to keep it under 1000 calories

I just don't know what to do. Sometimes I feel very empty.

Hey man, 115 pounds is a perfect weight for your height!

Thanks. But I am still considered fat in my family.

2 More Responses

You're really strong. I tried so hard to recover but I've just said **** it, I don't care if it kills me. But I hope it doesn't xD

Ohh Jess, that's a very skinny weight! I don't think you need to be that skinny?! Man, your appearance doesn't matter, who you are is what matters, and you're a badass ******* chick dude! **** being skinny, be you, that's the most attractive thing anyone could do.

Lol it rhymes at the end.

Man I see it, accept yourself as you are, because the person you are is a fantastic person. You even make me happy from time to time!

I want to be down there again too, I gained from 97 to 105 in a week I hate myself for it even though I know getting to 90 will lead to a lower number and then lower I still want it.

You want to get better but you don't, it truly is a horrible monster in that sense and you never truly recover from it you just "manage" it at best.
Aim for management, it is really the closest thing to full recovery that exists.

So you want to weigh more but you can't. Is it just something that gets you when you try to eat or is their always a part of you that wants to be skinnier. Idk if this makes sense. I don't understand how you can have an ED and also want to weigh more.

put a goal and start fighting