I Shouldn't Be Saying This But...

I know that as early as probably tomorrow I'll take this down to preserve my ego and heart but tonight... maybe if I put this down on some form of paper it will get out of my head.

I found a great guy on here. I thought the feeling was mutual. The signals were there; the sentiments were even expressed and exchanged. We talked everyday for hours on end for over a month. We even conversed offline. He made me feel wanted, like I was of at least some importance to him. And then in the blink of an eye it changed. The conversations online only became about sex and the texts sent by me were rarely returned.

I denied the nagging feelings of dread and worry; pushed aside thoughts that I had been led on and now was being pushed aside. Tried to convince myself that his sweet side hadn't disappeared but merely mellowed because he was growing increasingly comfortable with me. I accepted his crazy work hours, always played cool when he'd leave our talks at the drop of the hat for his RL buddies. I only know him online afterall so what claim to him do I have?

I know his life is undergoing a lot of change. And believe me when I say that I am not the clingy or needy type. But now conversations have ceased totally and I've deleted his number because I was tired of never being replied to and feeling like I was bugging him every time I texted. Because can't believe that if he was still actually interested in me (if he ever even was) that he would at least make an effort to contact every now and then.

Now I'm left feeling hurt over his sudden dismissal and questioning if I've been made to play the fool from the very beginning. Was I merely being told what he correctly presumed I wanted to hear? Did I fall for a "player" who now has grown bored of me? Or is there something I did or didn't do that turned him off? Could this silence be that he's really not busy but avoiding me in hopes that I'll just go away? These type of questions have been plaguing me for weeks now and I'm sick of feeling like some crazed, loser chick. But I can't seem to shake off thoughts of him or my feelings/fears regarding this whole mess.

I tried to clear up the whole matter once and for all. Gain some sense of perspective from him on where I stood. I asked for his thoughts on how he felt about me. Asked if he wanted me to leave him alone for good. Though he responsed to the message itself he never answered my questions. Instead all I got was a brief statement about he'll be nonexistant until his latest life change is over and settled and how he would "probably" hit me up once it did. Very optimistic right? ::rolls eyes::

So now I'm stuck feeling like some mopey idiot who needs to be smacked in the head with a copy of "He's just not that into you" because even though I dont expect to ever hear from him again, I still hope to. Especially tomorrow (today now) for my birthday. But I dont think he's even noticed when my birthday is. I want to call him a liar and dismiss him because it would be easier to think of this as another episode in girlish naivity on my part- that I got sucked in by a bad guy who was never truthful and never really into me. That would indeed be easier to believe in the alternative- that I actually found a really great, interesting, attractive guy and that I just wasn't enough to keep him interested.

Thus far, the only shreds of progress that I've made in moving on and forward have only been possible because of other awesome people that I have met on EP. So thank you guys.

So as predicted I never heard from this guy again.  But I've come to terms with that and even the ****** way it concluded.  Originally I was going to take this down lest he see if he ever bothered looking at my page again.  That no longer concerns me now. I guess he just wasn't interested anymore once I finally spoke up and told him not to come out if he only expected a booty call.  Not that I would've even been against the notion but he didn't need to pull out the sweet talk and deceive that way.  That was just shady.  But oh well.  His loss.
LaceyVixen LaceyVixen
22-25, F
4 Responses Jul 18, 2010

Boy I sure do relate! How's your heart been recently since 2010 ???

I went though something similar. It's a shame that had to happen.

I'm really sorry that you had to go through that! I know when someone lets you down it's hard to get back to where you were. Don't let it drag on you and look at it as a learning experience. I wish you a speedy recovery!

Sounds to me like he's married/together and been told to spend less time online/phone.<br />
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Happy birthday, not everyone is the same. You'll meet someone with your interests who is in to you. Hx