Pure Poison-almost Ruined My Marriage

My husband and I have been married for 13 years and we are pregnant with my 5th child-his 3rd. From the moment I met my mother in law in 1998 I realized she was an overbearing, controlling human being. My husband and I first met when we were both stationed in Arizona while in the military. In hindsight-my first clue she was going to be a constant problem was the fact that my husband-then boyfriend, had a joint checking account with his mother. She convinced him into believing that of her name wasn't on his bank account and something happened to him then the state would have control over his funds and not dispense it to the next of kin. Mind you, she was on his account previous to him entering the military also. Although I was a young, single mother of two, I was very independent and thought it was "strange" that his income/account was tied to his mother. Being young and in love I looked past it and continued with the relationship. Fast forward a year later, I become pregnant and we leave the military to start our new lives as a young family. We married 2 months before our son was born and we settled into our lives. We live in South Florida and she in South Carolina so we would visit as much as possible on the holidays. We struggled financially and I decided to go to nursing school to improve our life and moved up to South Carolina where his mother and sisters live so they could help us with the babysitting while I went to school full time. My husband worked his full time job while I went to school full time and held down two jobs. Some days I would only sleep 3 hours while trying to juggle everything. Both his mother and sisters helped out with the kids and for that I am very appreciative. In the beginning she would just butt in our lives here and there- give advice when it wasn't asked for, ask me why I would spend money getting my hair done, blame me for every financial problem we had in our marriage. Even though I was working two jobs and going to school full time. On Christmas she would tell my husband that only gifts for the children would be passed out and told him to please not buy any gifts for her or his sisters. So Christmas eve would come around and we would congregate at her house for the festivities and lo and behold they've bought gifts for my husband and I, while we are sitting there embarrassed because we only brought for the children-as previously agreed. Then I would hear from him that his mother and sisters would talk smack about me saying I never bought them anything for Christmas and that they spent a bunch of money on me. I was so upset because I felt that it was a deliberate attempt on their part to make me look like a horrible person. At the time his mother was divorcing her 3rd loser, alcoholic husband and made me feel like a complete alcoholic if I had one drink. His sisters were brainwashed by her and felt the exact same way towards me. If my husband and I went out to a piano bar for a drink they would call us alcoholics. She had them believing that they were allergic to alcohol and of they drank it they would have a reaction and stop breathing- they were in their 20's by this time. So, I went on with my life didn't pay attention to her snide remarks and eventually I graduated from nursing school and during my graduation ceremony I introduced my mother to all my instructors and enjoyed my victory. We decided to move back to South Florida so the chdren from my first marriage could be near their father. Deep down I was ecstatic that I would be far away from his judgmental mother and her ill fated commentary. Although, throughout the entire time I was on school I thanked them repeatedly for helping us with the children and on my graduation I thanked them and told them I couldn't have done it without their help. Each time they would say "It's ok, it's our pleasure, no big deal". So we moved and I thought it was a start to a great new beginning. Much to my dismay, apparently my husband was more of a momma's boy than I previously thought and he had a hard time adjusting to life in South Florida. I had a great job as a pediatric RN and my husband was jobless. He would tell me he was looking and interviewing and no job offers. Months went by and we struggled- even getting evicted from an apartment. He wod confide in his mother and was silent with me. His efforts to find a job were being sabotaged by his actions. He wouldn't shave or iron his pants when he would go looking for a job and this in turn led to no callbacks. The empty promises to get a job went on for years. I love him and I kept trying to make it work because he is a great father and I knew he had potential. We ended up separating a total of 3 times. Each time he would leave and go back to mommy. We would get back together because he would promise to get a job, he would have it for awhile, then quit. This cycle went on for years- yes, I know it's my own fault. In the meantime, I would work 5 sometimes 6, twelve hour shifts per week to support us. The final time we broke up he went back to his mother and we were apart for 3 months. He came back and said this was the last time he would be jobless and we picked up the pieces. He finally opened up about his childhood abuse by a 14 year old babysitter, his father was an alcoholic who never cared about his children, he remarried and took his new wife's children as his own and disregarded my husband and his sisters. Over the years his mothers controlling ways were the only constant in his life and he knew nothing else. Once he finally opened up, he told me that his mother had been telling him not to work because "someone needed to be home with the children". The three kids were all in elementary school and it is not necessary for someone to be home guarding the house. I think providing food, shelter, water, and power were more important, but what do I know? I was so upset that I called her and confronted her about it and she said yes, she had been telling him that all that time. He also told me that while we were separated and he was living with her that she would call me " the *****" and told him to get an attorney, fight for custody of our son, and also ask for alimony. I was stunned and hurt. I mean, I knew she was overbearing and controlling but, to go as far as to try and systematically destroy our marriage, unbelievable. She would also try to bribe him with a trip to Vegas by telling him that of he left me for good that she would pay for an all expenses paid trip to Vegas for him. During the course of our marriage, his mother received $90,000 from the sale of a lake house in her family. I never expected or asked for a dime but, she dispersed the funds between his two sisters in the form of trips, cash, and gifts. She told him that she would never give him any because he was married to me. His sisters are both homosexual and she loved their girlfriends and treated them like gold- because they would kiss her *** and let her control every part of their lives. I refuse to be controlled as I am a strong independent woman and I am teaching my children the same. We have now been back together for the past 2 1/2 years and we had decided to have more children when we got back together. While I was pregnant with our now 1 year old daughter she made some kind of snide comment to him and he completely cut her out of his life and with her went his sisters because they sided with her and they "could not believe" he chose me over her. Needless to say that things are better than they have ever been in our marriage and he is a hardworking father. He apologizes constantly for having listened to his mother and not working all that time. He is completely involved in our financial responsibilities and I could not be happier. I think some mother in laws are simply evil, have their own agenda, and purposefully try to destroy the marriage. My children don't see her and I prefer it that way as she is simply poison and I don't want them anywhere near her. We are now pregnant with a 5th child and we are very happy. Her loss. Well, that is my story and I apologize for it being entirely too long. Thanks for reading.

Strongmomof5 Strongmomof5
May 14, 2012