All I Want Is To Be A Father To My Kids

FIRST I WOULD LIKE TO SAY WHEN I FIRST GOT MARRIED I HAD PLANNED ON IT BEING THE ONLY TIME (WHICH AFTER MY EXPERIANCES MAY STILL BE THE CASE) I MARRIED MY EX WITH THE IDEA THAT WE WERE PARTNERS IN LIFE AND RAISING OUR CHILDREN. WHEN WE MET MY EX WAS WORKING AT A SCHOOL( NOT MUCH MONEY BUT GREAT BENEFITS) AND I WORKED FOR A PLUMBING COMPANY. (MAKING GOOD MONEY BUT THE BENEFITS SUCKED). AFTER OUR DAUGHTER WAS BORN. WE REALIZED IT WOULD BE CHEAPER FOR HER TO STAY HOME WITH THE BABY.SO SHE DID, WHICH I HAD NO PROBLEM WITH. I WORKED MY NORMAL JOB PLUS DID SIDE JOBS TO KEEP US FLOATING ALONG.I BRING HOME THE MONEY, SHE TAKES CARE OF THE FINANCES. THREE YEARS LATER WE HAD OUR SON. SOON AFTER THAT I STARTED SEEING THING CHANGE. MY WIFE STARTED GETTING USED TO THE STAY AT HOME MOM THING. BUT WANTED EVERYTHING AND WOULD ***** ABOUT MONEY.AROUND THAT TIME OUR SECOND CHILD WAS THREE AND IN PRESCHOOL. SO I SUGGESTED SHE START FIGURING OUT WHAT SHE WANTED TO DO WITH HER LIFE. SHE WANTED TO BE A STAY AT HOME MOM AND HER DREAM WAS TO HAVE (5) CHILDREN. I TOLD HER THAT WITHOUT A SECOND INCOME, THAT AND EVERYTHING ELSE SHE WANTED WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE. I EVEN WENT OUT AND BOUGHT HER A BRAND NEW SUBARU WHILE I DROVE THE (PEICE -O- S___T) CAR. EVEN KEPT IT CLEAN FOR HER AND GOT HER A GAS CARD.( WHICH WAS SHORT LIVED) SHE STARTED WATCHING MY SISTERS KIDS FOR SOME EXTRA MONEY. NOT FOR THE HOUSEHOLD BUT FOR HER. WHILE I PAID ALL THE BILLS, VACATIONS AND EVERYDAY EXPENSES LOTS OF TIMES NOT GETTING HOME TILL LATE TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN. WHATEVER AT THE TIME IT DIDN'T BOTHER ME TOO MUCH TILL SHE STARTED ASKING FOR MORE MONEY TO DO THIS AND THAT AND CLAIMING THAT MY SISTER WASN'T PAYING HER AND OWED HER WEEKS WORTH OF CHILD CARE, WHICH MADE ME CALL MY SISTER AND START JUMPING ON HER. LATER, COME TO FIND OUT MY WIFE WAS LYING TO ME. IT CAUSED A STINK BETWEEN ME AND MY SISTER. MY EX LOST THAT GIG. AND THAT WAS THE BEGINNING OF THE TENTION. I WOULD ASK HER WHAT SHE WAS GOING TO DO AFTER THE KIDS WHERE IN SCHOOL FULL TIME AND THAT SHE SHOULD START FIGURING IT OUT. "TAKE A ONLINE COURSE" " TAKE NIGHT CLASSES" I WOULD TAKE CARE OF THE KIDDOS WHILE SHE DID THAT. WHATEVER IT TOOK TO REACH OUR (HER) GOALS &DREAMS. INSTEAD OF SITTING AT HOME FIGURING OUT HOW TO SPEND MORE MONEY. AND WAITING FOR ME TO GET HOME SO SHE COULD TELL ME HOW ROUGH HER LIFE IS AND HOW BORED SHE IS.
      THATS WHEN CREDIT CARDS STARTED NOT GETTING PAID, LIES HAD ALREADY STARTED AND THE SECRETS WERE IN FULL SWING. I STARTED REALIZING WE MAY NEED WORK AND THAT THIS MAY NOT WORK AS A LIFE PARTNER. I STARTED CALLING HER ON HER LIES AND ACTIONS. HER RESPONSE WAS ALWAYS "I'M LEAVING YOU" AS SHE WAS DRAGGING THE KIDS TO THE CAR. THEN SCREECHING OUT OF THE DRIVEWAY WITH HER MIDDLE FINGER EXTENDED, YELLING AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS "F--K YOU, YOU F--KING A--HOLE. THEN WHICH SHE WOULD RUN TO HER PARENTS HOUSE. IT BECAME PREDICTABLE. AT FIRST I WAS THE KISS A-- WITH THE SORRIES AND LETS WORK IT OUT EVEN THOUGH MOST OF THE TIME I THOUGH IT SHOULD BE IN HER COURT. DON'T GET ME WRONG I KNOW I'M NOT PERFECT. AND SOMETIMES I CAN BE A JERK ESPECIALLY WHEN MY AUTHORITY WITH THE KIDS IS UNDERMINDED OR TREATED LIKE MY OPINION DOESN'T MATTER AND OR LIED TO. AT THIS POINT I HADEN'T GIVEN UP ON THE MARRIAGE. BUT NO LONGER PLAYED INTO HER THREATS AND WOULD ASK HER IF SHE NEEDED HELP PACKING, KNOWING SHE WOULD BE BACK WITH THE SORRIES AND THE " I MADE A MISTAKE, IT WONT HAPPEN AGAIN" WHICH I CAME TO REALIZE WAS A LIE IN ITSELF. 
  ONE DAY A SIDEJOB MATERIAL CHECK GOT RETURNED. SO I WENT TO CHECK THE CHECKBOOK TO FIND THAT THERE WAS A CHECK AND ITS CARBON COPY MISSING. AFTER ASKING MY WIFE ABOUT IT SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T KNOW AND WOULD LOOK INTO IT. THE NEXT DAY SHE CAME HOME WITH A STORY ABOUT A CO WORKER (SHE HAD JUST STARTED A JOB AT A DAYCARE) THAT GOT CAUGHT STEALING CREDIT CARDS OUT OF THE PURSES AT WORK AND THAT THE CO WORKER MUST HAVE GOTTEN INTO HER PURSE. FOR SOME REASON I BELIEVED HER AND TOLD HER TO CALL THE BANK TO TAKE CARE OF IT. NEXT DAY SHE INFORMED ME THAT SINCE THE CO WORKER HAD BEEN CAUGHT THAT WE DIDNT HAVE TO CHANGE ANYTHING. END OF THAT TILL THE NEXT MONTH IT HAPPENED AGAIN. THIS TIME I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING AND WENT TO THE BANK WITH THE TWO MISSING CHECK NUMBERS AND ASKED FOR COPIES OF THOSE CHECKS. COME TO FIND OUT IT WAS MY WIFE WRITING $250 CHECKS TO A CHECK CASHING PLACE. (SHE THREATENED TO LEAVE ME AGAIN WHEN I CALLED HER ON IT AND TOOK HER OFF THE ACCOUNT) I KNEW WE WERE OVER. BUT TRIED TO STAY IN IT FOR THE KIDS. I GREW UP ON STEPDADS AND NOT KNOWING MY FATHER AND WASN'T GOING TO HAVE MY KIDS GO THOUGH THE SAME. THAT LASTED A COUPLE OF YEARS. WE PROGRESSIVELY STARTED DRINKING MORE. I'D STAY IN THE GARAGE DOING THINGS TILL SHE WENT TO BED AT WHICH TIME I WOULD COME IN AND GO TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH.AFTER A WHILE OF THAT AND THE ONSLOT OF CRAP SHE WAS PULLING, I FIGURED THERE HAD TO BE MORE TO LIFE FOR THE KIDS,ME AND EVEN HER. AT THIS POINT I DIDN'T EVEN HATE HER BUT WAS STARTING TOO. SHE HAD BECOME EVERYTHING I HAD SAID I WOULD NEVER MARRY. SO I TOLD HER IT WAS OVER.
     SHE WANTED TO WORK IT OUT, SHE WAS SORRY,PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES. THAT'S WHEN I REMINDED HER THAT YOUR SUPPOSED TO LEARN FROM YOU MISTAKES NOT KEEP MAKING THE SAME ONES. AND THAT I DIDN'T NEED A LEAD BALL ATTACHED TO MY LEG WHILE I'M TRYING TO KEEP THIS FAMILY AFLOAT. SHE OFFERED TO START PUTTING HER CHECKS IN THE ACCOUNT (BEFORE SHE WOULD JUST CASH THEM AND THAT WOULD GET HER THOUGH THE WEEK) AN EXTRA $340 A WEEK SURE WOULD HELP BUT IT WAS TO LATE. THE NEXT BUSINESS DAY SHE WENT AFTER CHILD SUPPORT AND TOOK THE KIDS. I STILL WANTED TO HAVE SOME SORT OF RESPECTFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH HER FOR THE KIDS SO SHE GOT THE NEARLY PAID OFF CAR STILL PAID HER INSURANCE. WORKED ON THE CAR AS NEEDED. WATCHED THE KIDS ON HER DAYS SO SHE COULD GO TO SCHOOL(COME TO FIND OUT SHE DIDN'T PASS BECAUSE OF TO MANY NO SHOWS) WHICH WAS FUNNY BECAUSE SHE NEVER MISSES A CLASS ON THE DAYS I WATCH THE KIDS FOR HER.

  AFTER A COUPLE OF MONTHS OF ME HAVING THE KIDS ON THE WEEKENDS AND 2 EVENINGS A WEEK. I ASKED FOR 50/50 CUSTODY AND FILED FOR DIVORCE THAT PISSED HER OFF. A WEEK AFTER WE STARTED ROTATING WEEKS MY KIDS INFORM ME THAT A LADY CAME TO VISIT THEM AT SCHOOL ASKING THE ALL KINDS OF QUESTIONS AND GAVE ME A CARD FROM C.P.S. NOT KNOWING WHAT WAS GOING ON I CALLED THE EX AND ASKED HER IF SHE KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT IT. OF COURSE SHE KNEW NOTHING ABOUT IT BUT BECAME REAL CONCERNED. I CALL THE NUMBER ON THE CARD AND WAS INFORMED THAT THERE WAS ALLEGATIONS AGAINST ME OF GIVING MY BOY "HITS OFF MY MARAJUANA CIGARETTES AND DRINKS OFF MY BEERS" TODAY I LAUGH AT IT BUT THEN I WAS PISSED. HAD TO TAKE TIME OFF WORK SO THAT A CASE WORKER COULD COME INSPECT MY HOUSE. AT THAT TIME I WAS ASSURED THAT IT WASN'T MY EXWIFE. BUT SHE'S THE ONLY ONE WITH MOTIVE AND ANYONE THAT KNOWS ME AND MY KIDS KNOW THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN. SO IT MUST HAVE BEEN A NEW FRIEND OR HER FAMILY. C.P.S. FOUND THE ALLEGATIONS TO BE FALSE AND CASE WAS CLOSED.

     I HAD TO MOVE 2.5 HOURS AWAY TO MOVE IN WITH MY SISTER AND FAMILY. DUE TO THE ECONOMY AND THE RAPING I WAS GETTING FROM CHILD SUPPORT. SO IT NO LONGER WORKED HAVING THE KIDS EVERY OTHER WEEK FOR SCHOOL PURPOSES SO THROUGH OUR DIVORCE MEDIATION WE AGREED TO ME HAVING THE KIDS FOR THE SUMMER, HOLIDAYS AND WEEKENDS THAT WORKED. WHILE THE FOLLOWING SCHOOL YEAR THE KIDS WOULD BE WITH HER BUT CUSTODY STAYED THE SAME. THAT WORKED TIL THERE WAS TALKS OF THE KIDS WANTING TO GO TO SCHOOL WHERE I LIVE. I DROVE DOWN TO WERE MY EX LIVES TO HAVE A" FAMILY MEETING" TO DICUSS THE FOLLOWING YEAR. AFTER A BIT SHE AGREED TO THE KIDS COMING TO SCHOOL WITH ME FOR THIS NEXT SCHOOL YEAR SINCE SHE IS ALREADY MARRIED ON WELFARE AND ABOUT TO HAVE ANOTHER CHILD WITH A GUY SHE BARELY KNEW WHO DRESSES LIKE A GANG BANGER FROM FRISCO. EVEN TATTOOED THEIR RINGS ON. WHATEVER NONE OF MY BUSINESS UNLESS IT AFFECTS MY KIDS BUT STILL SHE DIDN'T TELL OUR KIDS SHE WAS GOING UP TO RENO TO GET MARRIED. NEXT THING THEY KNOW THEY HAVE A NEW STEP DADDY (3RD RELATIONSHIP IN A YEAR AFTER WE SPLIT) THOUGHT YOU WER'NT SUPPOSED TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP IN YOUR FIRST YEAR OF A.A. NONE OF MY BUSINESS EITHER.
    OUR AGREEMENT WAS I WOULD HAVE THEM FOR THE FIRST PART OF THE SUMMER, SHE WOULD HAVE THEM FOR THE SECOND HALF THEN I WOULD HAVE THEM FOR THE FOLLOWING SCHOOL YEAR BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT THE KIDS WANTED. AS I STARTED PREPARING FOR THAT, I WAS TOLD THAT BECAUSE SHES ON PUBLIC ASSISTANCE THAT SHE HAD NO FINANCIAL OBLIGATION TOWARDS THE KIDS WHILE THEIR WITH ME. EVEN THOUGH I WAS DISLOCATED FROM MY JOB AND AM ON UNEMPLOYMENT. I REALLY DON'T WANT A DIME FROM HER I CAN TAKE CARE OF MY KIDS BUT I FIGURE SINCE SHES MADE SUCH A POINT OF IT I WOULD LOOK INTO IT. WELL I MENTIONED SOMETHING ABOUT IT TO THE EX AND 2 WEEKS LATER SHE CALLES ME FOR MY ADDRESS "BECAUSE THE KIDS COUNCELORS WANTED TO SEND ME SOMETHING SINCE THE KIDS WERE GOING TO BE WITH ME FOR THIS SCHOOL YEAR. NEXT THING I KNOW I'M GETTING A LETTER FROM THE COURTS WITH A MEDIATION DATE AND COURT DATE AND A LETTER SHE WROTE THE COURTS STATING THAT I WAS IN AN UNSTABLE ENVIROMENT AND THAT THE KIDS WERE STILL IN COUNCILING. THAT WAS HER REASONING FOR ASKING FOR FULL CUSTODY AND MY SUMMER TO CONSIST OF 2 WEEKS ON 2 WEEKS OFF AND IF I WANTED TO SEE MY KIDS I WOULD HAVE TO DRIVE TO HER TO GET THEM (2.5 HRS EACH WAY) AND DRIVE THEM BACK TO HER. COME TO FIND OUT THE KIDS HAD GRADUATED FROM THEIR COUNCILING A COUPLE MONTHS BEFORE. ISN'T THERE SOMETHING ABOUT LYING TO THE COURTS? ANYWAY BEFORE WE WENT TO COURT IT WAS THE END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR AND THE KIDS WERE TO COME UP TO MY HOUSE. I CALLED HER UP TO SEE WHAT TIME WE WERE TO MEET(AT OUR USUAL HALFWAY MEETING SPOT (WALMART, 1.25 HRS AWAY) WE AGREED TO A TIME AND I WAS THERE AND SHE WASN'T. I CALL HER TO SEE IF SHES CLOSE. SHE TELLS ME SHES STILL AT HOME AND SHE THOUGHT I WAS MEETING HER AT HER HOUSE. RIGHT!!!!!!  SHE CONTINUES TO TELLING ME THAT ITS NOT HER FAULT THAT I MOVED AWAY AND IF I WANT THE KIDS I'LL JUST HAVE TO DRIVE TO HER. WHICH I WOULD HAVE DONE BUT I'M NOT ABOUT TO LET HER GET AWAY WITH ANOTHER ONE OF HER GAMES. SO I  TOLD HER SHE COULD BRING THEM TO ME AFTER A COUPLE OF HANG UPS AND ME SITTING IN A PARKING LOT, SHE WOULDNT ANSWER HER PHONE. SO I TEXTED HER THAT UNTIL WE WENT TO COURT  THE AGREEMENT STAYS THE SAME AND SHE JUST SCREWED UP. A MINUTE LATER I GET A CALL FROM HER STATING THAT SHES SORRY SHE MISREAD THE PAPERWORK AND THAT SHE WOULD MEET ME AT OUR MEETING SPOT. I HAD ALREADY STARTED DRIVING HOME ABOUT AS PISSED AS I'VE EVER BEEN. THINKING ALL KIND OF GOOD THOUGHTS ABOUT HER. HAD MY SISTER MEET HER THE NEXT DAY FOR THE KID EXCHANGE BECAUSE I WAS STILL SO PISSED THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO SEE HER UNLESS SHE WAS IN THE GRIP OF MY HANDS. FINELY WE GO TO COURT AND THE JUDGE ASK'S HER HER REASONING BEHIND THIS PETITION. SHE STATES THAT SHE DOESN'T FEEL THAT MY HOUSE IS A SAFE ENVIROMENT FOR THE KIDS BECAUSE I BOUGHT THEM RED RYDER B.B. GUNS FOR THEIR BIRTHDAY. AT WHICH POINT THE JUDGE SORTA CHUCKLED AND SAID "I THINK I GOT MY FIRST B.B. GUN WHEN I WAS 7' ( OUR YOUNGEST IS 7) I WAS ON THE PHONE THROUGH COURT CALL SINCE I LIVE OUT OF THAT COUNTY BUT I WISH I COULD HAVE SEEN HER FACE. CAUSE SHE SOUNDED PRETTY STUPID.JUDGE RULE ALL CUSTODY ORDERS STAY THE SAME. AND THAT WAS THE END OF THAT. NOW I WONDER WHATS COMING NEXT. TWO WEEKS LATER SHE TEXTS ME DEMANDING THE KIDS FROM JULY 5TH TO THE 19TH WHICH IS EXACTLY 2 WEEKS. SAME THING SHE WAS TRYING TO GET THE COURTS TO ENFORCE. I TOLD HER THAT WOULD BE FINE IF I GOT THE KIDS THIS NEXT SCHOOL YEAR. IF NOT THE SUMMER TIME IS MINE AND SHE CAN HAVE THEM FOR A WEEKEND AT A TIME. I COME TO REALIZE IT WAS ALL ABOUT MONEY AND MAYBE SOME PRIDE BUT MOSTLY MONEY. SHE NEEDS THE KIDS SO MANY DAYS OF THE MONTH TO CLAIM THEM FOR WELFARE. THATS SAD. UP TILL NOW I WAS VERY ACCOMEDATING, I WOULD TAKE THE KIDS WHENEVER SHE NEEDED NEVER DEMANDED THE KIDS IF THEY HAD SOMETHING GOING ON. WOULD DRIVE THEM DOWN TO HER IF SHE COULDNT MEET FOR WHATEVER REASONS. ALWAYS MADE PLANS AT HER CONVEINANCE NOT MINE. BUT GUESS WHAT, THOSE DAYS ARE OVER! NOW I'M AFRAID TO FIND A GOOD JOB WITH BENEFITS BECAUSE SHE BE FILING FOR MORE MONEY. THEY MAKE YOU FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE MONEY UNDER THE TABLE JUST TO SURVIVE. SO FAR I'VE BEEN ABLE TO SUPPORT MY KIDS AND PAY CHILD SUPPORT WITHOUT ANY PUBLIC ASSISTANCE AND I'M AFRAID THAT THEIR MOTHERS LIFE IS GOING TO BE WELFARE CASE FOR LIFE. SHE LIKES FREE MONEY AND DOESNT WANT TO WORK FOR ANYTHING. SHES ABOUT TO GET A RAISE AS SOON AS THAT KID POPS OUT. ANYWAY THERES PLENTY OF STUFF I DIDN'T MENTION THAT SHE PULLED BUT YOU HAVE THE PICTURE.I REALIZE THAT I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GET A LAWYER TO PUT A AGREEMENT IN WRITING. TALKING TO HER IS A WASTE OF TIME. FOUND OUT THE OTHER DAY THAT SHE TOLD MY DAUGHTER THAT WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER I THREW HER IN THE POOL TO "TEACH HER TO SWIM" AND HER GRANDPA HAD TO JUMP IN AND SAVE HER. WHICH IS A BUNCH OF CRAP. THATS HOW SOMEONE TRIED TO TEACH ME WHEN I WAS A KID. BUT THIS IS THE EXWIFE AND MY LIFE. CANT WAIT TILL ITS OVER - 
    
   
HONDA400 HONDA400
36-40, M
3 Responses Jul 27, 2010

Women are NOGOOD

Your story has a lot of commonality with mine, except she did not draw a gun on you and pull the trigger 3 times, she did not have you picked up by the police because she is afraid of you because you threatened to shoot yourself with your own gun (never happened), complaint was filed within hours of my rebuilding the top end of the motor on the car she was driving, hmmmmmmmmm. The constant changes to the visitation sounds ohhhhh so familiar. I would call and ask where to pick up the kids (1.3 hours away), she would tell me to pick them up at her apartment, then they were not there when I got there, then when I call her she would say " I told you Nichole's house!!!!" The court ordered counselor stated exhanges must be in a public place like burger King or a police station because there were so many police calls during child exchanges. I watched her outside of court fight with both my lawyer and hers because she could not control the drop off and pick up conditions any longer. <br />
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I packed and left for the 3rd and final time in 5 years in May 2010. She spent every last dime I had and $187,000.00 from my parents estate and still wants more. I moved away and my lawyer told me to move farther away because she is not done with me. Every exchange resulted in so much drama I have for the time being given up my reasonable rights of parenting so the kids will not be subjected to the insanity that always results. Despite an extensive mental health history, drug abuse, threatened suicide and prostitution, my children are still with her. The only way I can get them is with a lot more money so I can have a lawyer FIGHT for release of medical records.

why the caps? Sheesh