7 Years Later And Still Nothing But Trouble

I separated from my ex in 2004, It was a tumultulous breakup involving 2 children. I quickly re-eastablished myself in a new house and have had regular contact with my children every weekend and heaps of school holidays since. When I re-partnered the abuse got even worse, so I cut off all contact with her, we just were complient to the court orders and dropped the kids off in each other's driveway every weekend. This system has worked for over 6 years. We had a few mediation sessions but they only resolved immediate issues, and not the long term. A few months ago we had a successful mediation session and she agreed to be more civil and co-operative for the sake of the children. We even met up one day and discussed the parenting schedules and schooling for our kids and she signed off on the family support documents. ( she has never done this before!) Things were looking good and were were having a chat once a month to discuss the kids needs. I now have one weekend a month without the kids- this was mutually agreed. last weekend she rang me to ask if it was her weekend with the kids . I imformed her it wasn't but later rang her up to say that if she wanted the kids this weekend it was ok with me. For reasons known only to herself this upset her and I have now been bombarded with texts and unreasonable requests that I cannot possibly fulfill. I now have to ignore her again as if I respond to her that will fuel her fire of abuse again. What a shame... for a few months I really thought that the trouble was over and she was going to be co-operative to me but now it's just gone back to "buissiness as usual" . We use a "parenting calender" that I spend untold hours every year making and sending to her , but she never responds and signs off on it ( Holding me and the kids to ransom untill the last minute) and pretends that she has "lost" it. Why do I always have to be the one that creates the schedules, and I always cop the abuse when they don't suit her?
wattahappiness wattahappiness
51-55, M
4 Responses Aug 2, 2010

Wow this seems so familiar it was scary...thank you for sharing

I'm surprised that they allow her visitation without a chaparone. You said you have the kids right? Don't be surprised if she shows up on your doorstep one day. I've done some extensive research on people who have disorders like bipolar (I suspect my mom was manic) and without treatment, their health deteriorates and they can harm someone else. Wtih bipolar people, if they are in a manic high then you already know you have to be on the lookout for the manic low. Treatment actually helps them keep a steady emotional state but only if they are willing to take the meds. Is she able to keep a job?<br />
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If I were you, and the kids are in your care, I would monitor her behaviors and write down everything that she does. Keep this notebook handy and if she starts behaving erratically, then I would put in a petition to the court that she start some type of treatment because of your fear for the children. Take care of those babies that you have, you are their first line of defense against any harmful people like the ex.<br />
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Hope this helps a little. If you need to talk more, email me.<br />
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Irene

I do believe that she has a phsychological disorder, but it has been difficult to clarify what it is , as she will not ever seek help. She has been known to suffer from severe depression, I believe that she is possibly Bipolar, and aso NPD ( Narcassistic personality disorder) . Whatever it is ( and I have known her now for over 20 years ) It seems to come and go in cycles usually any where from weeks to months every year. I fear for myself and the kids, and I have had to instigate court orders for my protection in the past.

Is she manic? This may explain her ups and downs.<br />
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Irene