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Jealousy Is a Terrible Disease

About a little less than a year ago I met my current boyfriend. When I first met him and started talking to him I thought he seemed like a really sweet guy; he was from the very start pretty jealous, but I always thought it was something cute, I thought well at least he cares. I never knew that the jealousy would start to bring me down and get under my skin so much that it was making everyday miserable and completely draining. We fought all the time in the beginning because he didn't really know me and didn't trust me, so he constantly thought I was out with other guys behind his back. As we started to go a little longer the fights kind of subsided along with his jealously from what I thought, but everytime I would even bring up another guy he still flips out of his mind, especially if I'm talking to them just as friends. It is so frusterating and I started out of nowhere having these panic attacks, from which myself and my therapist believe to be associated with all the emotional duress I'm under especially with him. If he thinks I am talking to another guy in a flirty way he threatens to come over my house and damage my property. He threatens to kill and hurt people, and he has even destroyed most of my cell phones out of jealousy. He told me if I ever tried to leave him he would kill me; I didn't really ever take it serious, but after the phone calls he leaves my conservative and classy family telling them he is going to murder any guy he sees me with has caused me to feel very threatened and uneasy around him. He is constantly getting mad at me and is super sensitive. I feel like I'm babysitting a little baby, he is so needy and so insecure that it is really getting on my nerves. I use to be so positive before I met him and I feel like he is purposely trying to bring me down. He's taking all of my energy, but I am trying to get back on a positive track but it's difficult when you have a negative person around. I definitley believe the saying surround yourself with positive people and you'll become positive, surround yourself with negative people and you'll become negative; it has happened to me and is just all together is so exhausting. He wants me to be with him forever but I could never put up with this the rest of my life. Life is way too short to live with someone like that. I truely never thought I'd hate for my boyfriend to be so jealous; but I fcuking hate it!!!

sweetp12242 sweetp12242 18-21, F 9 Responses Aug 1, 2008

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Ha. Bought a book called "Why do they do that: Inside the minds of angry and controlling men". Check it out. Vomited plenty while reading it, but it was an eye opener. It's up to you to sift through what applies to you or not and what you want to believe. Listen to what your gut tells you.

hey, I also have an extremely jealous boyfriend. Actually alot of the things you said in your story are like a mirror to me, we fight constantly..constantly. He has broken my phones too he has even gotten somewhat physical with me when I tried to leave. My life attitude also has change as well I usto be the party, happy girl that everyone always wanted to be around, and now I've isolated myself from everyone just to avoid issues with him. I can't even go out with my girlfriends because it is an issue, I have to constantly be texting him so "he knows I'm not up to something". All my friends tell me to leave him, but I care for him so much, and I want to change his ways, but I've also been warned by many people that you just cant change a person.

hey.. my boyfriend is also pretty jealous.. but he is amazing.. we've fought a lot of time because of that because he is constantly thinking he shouldnt trust me.. i have enough patience to wait and gain his trust.. but it really hurts me sometimes.. the way he starts acting with me sometimes is terrible for something that i ahvent really done.. he gives me this attitude, he hurts me with his words and i see our relationships all ruined before my eyes.

thank u zenandi

Good luck. ( And be careful! )

yes i know it's draining and i miss the old me so i'm taking my life back

It is sounding like you may need to take your safety a little more to heart. You are reporting things 'matter-of-fact'edly', which is a great way to look at it, as long as you are also remember that people can pose 'real' danger.<br />
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The fact that he's destroyed your cell phones should be enough to present the possibility that maybe he is truly capable of damaging other property. More important, though, is people -- and he sounds like he might actually be capable of damaging people, too.<br />
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Please be careful. Listen to your close friends on this one; it sounds like you might be a little too close to him to see the danger that could lurk in plain sight. I hope it works out for you.

thank u so much! ur such a doll baby! if things don't change it's definitley going to end forever. i have tried to end it before but he always stalks me down when i do.

Your story made me sad and angry. Sad for how you are, angry for him making you that way. It's hard to advise someone in a situation like this, but know you have people here (like me) who care and are always willing to listen.