Two Encounters

I am a gay male and within the last three years I have been pretty promiscuous.  Because I have acquired a phobia for catching HIV, I have completely quit having ANY anal sex. protected or otherwise.  Even though I have begun this practice, I still find myself worrying to death over catching HIV from encounters I have with men.  The last month has been hell.  I've had two sexual experiences that I have drove myself insane over.  Both were with guys that I met online and didn't know, and both these guys claimed to be negative.  I rarely perform ********, however, with the first guy I was aroused enough to where I did.  He didn't ********* in my mouth but I did taste some precum.  I recently got braces and I started worrying that the metal of the braces had scratched the inside of my mouth and caused open sores that made me more vulnerable to the HIV virus.  On the second encounter, I mutually *********** with a guy and allowed him to ****** first.  He ********** onto his stomach and some of the ***** dripped on his hand.  I saw him wipe some of it off, but I'm sure there was a bit left on his hands.  He began to stroke me off with the other hand and when I decided I wasn't going to ****** by him doing it, I asked him to use the hand that the ***** dripped on to finger my anus.  I have been completely obsessed that whatever *** left on his hand (if any) got into my anus and infected me with HIV (even though he stated he was negative).  I know the probability of contracting HIV through these circumstances is very low, yet I still worry.  These are just two of many situations I have obsessed over in the last three years.  I get checked like clockwork every three months, and I sometimes use another testing site in a city an hour away between these months if the stress becomes too overbearing to wait out the three months.  I know a lot about the flu-like illness that occurs a couple of weeks after infection and I often worry myself into thinking I have the symptoms.  My HIV phobia effects everything in my life and makes me completely miserable.  I would love to hear from people who are just like me that could reassure my subconscious that I am taking ever precaution necessary.
Insomniac in Baton Rouge
frenchtung77 frenchtung77
31-35, M
Aug 8, 2010