Inferiority Complex.

My inferiority complex is... -sigh- Where to begin?
Honestly, I feel inferior for so many reasons, all of which are incredibly stupid. I'll go ahead and start at the worst.
My face. Everyone around me here in college looks so... mature, for a lack of a better word. They look so nice-looking all the time, being able to have their hair in these beautiful, mature-looking fashions, while my face still looks really young. Honestly, my face has not aged since I was 15. I'm 19 now, still stuck with the same face. I wish I looked a bit older, so that maybe people could start taking me seriously, instead of looking down on me like some little kid that has no guidance.

The next thing I feel inferior with is my body. I wish I loved my body like a lot of people can, but it's hard when I look back on how I USED to look, and how I look now. It's really my fault. Over the last 4 years, I had gained weight without trying to work it off. I carry my weight well, so everyone thinks I'm not fat or obese (and I'm not, but I am at risk of being overweight), but when I look at myself in the mirror, I can never stand to look around my stomach. Everyone else is so skinny around me and wearing form-fitting clothing that I wish I could wear.

Another is that I have some serious rejection sensitivity. I'm afraid to speak my mind to... anyone, really. I'm considered emo because even though I say I prefer being alone all the time, that is not true at all. In fact, being alone is one of my greatest fears. I consider it a phobia, actually. I want to be surrounded by people who love and care for me like how I see every single day. I'm just afraid to open myself up to the possibilities because I'm afraid people will not accept me as myself. I've been lucky enough to meet people who like me as I am, and I know I'm being incredibly selfish, but I wish that I could have more friends like them. I hate feeling alone every day of my life.

I don't like feeling this way when I'm already almost 20 years of age. I should be having fun with my life, doing the things I want, with no regrets and no anxiety attacks pounding onto my heart. It... took me a lot to write this out, since I hold everything inside, so please don't be too hard on me.
Destati Destati
22-25, F
2 Responses Sep 12, 2012

Your face in your profile photo is incredibly cute. I personally prefer a woman with a round stomach. I think its hot. I wouldn't worry about what others think. I tell my mom that all the time. Folks are going to have something to say no matter what you do or don't do. You seem cool to hang out with to me. The stuff you are dealing with is the same thing a lot of people are dealing with (variety of age groups). I hope this is encouraging. Feel free to hit me up if you want to chat :)

I know what you’re going through and I appreciate how hard it must have been for you to wright this. I’m only three years older than you but that being said I couldn’t imagine telling anyone how I felt about anything just a few years ago. The anxiety can be crippling at times and the loneliness that ensues afterword is almost worse. I find it hard to connect with people because I understand how overly sensitive I am so in a way other people for whom I really like just represent pain on top of that I’m frustrated a good portion of my time which sometimes makes it challenging for me not to hold others accountable for my own emotions. I also struggle with guilt for having such strong feelings. At times I feel I’m not entitled to whatever pain or discomfort I’m feeling after all there are worse problems in life than feeling inferior and I tend to feel selfish when my complex pushes me towards frustration. I don’t know if any of this sounds familiar to you but things have been getting better for me as far as my inferiority complex certain things I’ve learned are to take more responsibility for my emotions two its ok to want things as long as I long as I don’t gamble my self respect and three discussing my complex and being more open about why I feel inferior helps to curb the different ways in which it manifests its self in my day to day life such as anger anxiety an unhealthy need to be right.

Thank you, this was really comforting. Honestly, I've found a group of people who I can talk to and that I can trust since I've posted this. I feel so loved by them, and before I realize it, not once do I think about my image, my weight, etc. I was so happy, it became irrelevant to me. I also am doing much better than when I "wrote" this. Still, I am so glad that I'm not alone with things like this. It really makes me feel as if there's really someone reaching their hand out to me, as if guiding me to a brighter tomorrow.
So thank you once again, for your response. ^___^

Im happy to hear that