All My Life, I've Lived In Fear...

Imagery of aliens, specifically the ones called "Grays" or the ones depicted in the film "Fire in the Sky", have always terrified me almost beyond the capacity for rational thought. Even before I knew what they were, the images scared me. At the age of four or five, I saw my father reading a book with one on the cover; I did not ask him what the picture was or what the book was about (though I've probably read it in the years since). All I knew was the thing on the book scared me more than anything else.

I am twenty-four years old now and the fear has only intensified over the years. Yet, I still watch the specials and documentaries and still read books detailing the accounts of abductees and other eyewitnesses. Either despite my fear or because of it, I continually subject myself to this. There have been nightmares frequently, on the order of several a month at some intervals. Even during the day, in the middle of a grocery store or on campus at the University I'm so *sure* that I would see one or possibly a group that I would without hesitation take a polygraph test on the matter. I cannot sleep without the lights on and something either playing on my television or laptop to distract me from thinking too much - if the room's quiet, I jump at every little noise. I try to tell myself that my dog would be the first alerted to the presence of something in the house, but that is of little comfort. Though I believe in them, I'm not afraid of ghosts or Bigfoot or El Chupacabra or other "urban legends" that people talk about. it's just aliens. I have a fear of spiders, as well, but it's NOTHING compared to this. Nothing at all. Give me a choice between shaking a gray's hand and letting a tarantula crawl on my bare arm, I'd take the tarantula every single time.

I don't dare go to a psychiatrist for this - all they want to do is blame someone's parents for somehow making them afraid or whatever, and I've had enough people blaming my Dad for things in my life that I'm sick of hearing it. I do not personally believe myself to have been abducted, though some have suggested that that may be the case (it would have had to have happened very early in life, though that could explain why these feelings are so strong - they wouldn't feel the need to tamper with an infant's memories as they would an adult).

I just don't know what to do. I've awakened from these nightmares with a shotgun in my hands standing in the middle of the room, drenched in sweat and nearly hyperventilating. I found this group less than fifteen minutes ago, red a couple of the entries on here and knew that I had to sign up - if only to talk to people who DIDN'T think I was overreacting or just being dramatic.

KamenRiderGumo KamenRiderGumo
22-25, M
6 Responses Mar 14, 2010

I absolutely know what you're going through. I have this problem of trying to find the truth, everyday looking on the internet even though I'm petrified of these beings and know that I should be avoiding the whole subject for my own sanity/ability to sleep...ever again. But I can't, the whole thing scares the crap outta me because there are so many stories of people coming forward claiming they've been abducted, even little children. The freaky thing about the little kids is that they all seem to draw the same figure with a large head, big slanted oval eyes and skinny bodies. I guess they could've all seen them on television or something but it's a very strange coincidence that at that age they've had enough or any exposure to it. The unknown is a really scary thing, especially the possibility of an 4th or 5th dimensional being who can use telepathy, go through walls or even travel through time and space. Plus why do the greys have to look like that, it really doesn't help with the creepyness factor. I'm glad that other people like you feel okay about sharing your fears on this subject, makes me feel less alone in my thoughts.

I didn't think their was anyone else in the world that felt this way. What you have described is exactly what I have felt my entire life. thank-you for sharing.

Face your fears and learn how to defend yourself against these kind of events. I have had many experiences with aliens and it finally stopped when I learned how to defend myself in a spiritual manner. I have never been abducted since.

I don't feel your over reacting at all.but don't be so scared of talking to a doctor about this. The blame your parents era is over. They can help alot.

Thanks for the kind words. It's nice to know that someone is as terrified as I am. Even on a recent family vacation to Disney World in Orlando, the nightmares never ceased. It's a wonder no-one in the camper was awakened. I even slept with my .45 automatic under my pillow, though I told my folks that it was in case someone tried to bust into the camper at night or something (which was, I admit, part of the truth, as robbing tourists is commonplace down there), but it wasn't anything human I was afraid of.

I live in the United Kingdom and I feel your story 100%.<br />
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I am a 23 year old man, heavily built and TERRIFIED of aliens, and yet I continually, almost obsessively, expose myself to them. I sit out on a deckchair in the backgarden most nights hoping to be either abducted or see something (which I have done many, many times - see something that is) that will alleviate my fear. I sit there listening to Alan Watts (my hero) and maybe drinking tea - a Britsh cliche - just waiting for something to happen. If I'm not doing that then I'm waking up in the middle of the night with all lights on (I have a completely irrational fear of the dark too, coupled with the alien fear) and absolutely bricking it. It's in this state that I can't stand an exposed window, one without a curtain on, or open doors. I have to be in the middle of a room, or I fear they'll come through a wall. I too had an experience as a child and I just can't trace it, I have a complete mental block on it. But when I see pictures of a certain type of alien my mind loses it and I have to escape.... It's just the one alien though...... I don't remember being scared at the time, more fascinated, but now I'm ******* terrified! I don't fear aliens themselves, I fear what they're capable of. I can think of nothing worse than a being who can't empathise with you or understand your emotions. They'd appear as stone cold or even psychotic. Their big eyes freak me out too, but maybe that's an insecurity more than a fear, Hollywood does some truly stupid things to people, eh.<br />
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People who accuse you overacting are usually as insecure as yourself and I but they hide it better. I don't know ONE person who's not scared of aliens. In fact, I work with a woman who recently told me her fear of aliens is so bad that she can't do ANY drug or anything of the sort because she totally loses it and becomes overwhelmed with images of an impending invasion! Whether the whole planetary awareness thing is real, as in 2012, or whatever I don't know, or really care. I do know that this fear has cost me a major part of my life and it's not going to go away any time soon. Maybe we would be better to just give in and tell ourselves that there really is no point in worrying as if it happens, it's going to be inevitible. The only difference being how do we want to go, being dragged and screaming, or calmly and collectively..... I choose the latter.