Week 3 Of "open Marriage"

I suppose I can't really call our marriage "open" because I have no desire to be with another man. However, we both want to be with the same woman who is bi-curious. I would say she likes males a bit more, especially since I was her first experience with a woman. So she has a tendency to call on him a bit more than me. Am I bi? Well, I don't think I could never see myself in a relationship with the woman we are both having sex with, but the sex is so much fun and I do consider her a friend whom I happily share my husband with. We have had 2 3somes so far and he has had 2 one-on-one sex experiences with her, and I have had one.

I was just wondering, if anyone is out there, how you feel when your significant other is over at their lover's house and you know about it. I think I am still getting used to the fact that I am sharing my husband with this woman. So, as he departed tonight and I wasn't going along to share in her beautiful body my stomach did a little flip flop as though I was questioning whether I wanted him to go or not. But now, he's there, and I am so hot and bothered and so horny and a tiny bit jealous and is sending me over the sexual edge, knowing that he is inside of her!

So, is this what open marriages are about? Is the tiny bit of jealousy normal in these cases, or is that something I should be worried about?
fauxtograph fauxtograph
3 Responses Aug 2, 2010

A twinge of jealousy is normal at any point in the open marriage. In any area of life, it's common for you to be jealous when someone else has/does something that you don't and there's no reason for sex to be an exception. If it's much more than that, you and your husband should discuss it and decide together what to do about it.<br />
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Now I'm just being nosy, but--are you jealous because he's with her or because you aren't?

I think the difference in an open marriage & just a steady ********* type thing is, in an open marriage each spouse is free to have sex with others. In a ********* situation the spouse is only allowed to have sex with the other spouse present. Before I met my beloved (& no we don't have an open marriage) I dated a girl who was Bi-sexual. Unlike your friend she tended more towards women but wanted me around a couple of times a month for one on one. I don't even think you could call us boyfriend girlfriend in the traditional sense. We did do the ********* a few times with her girlfriend. Truth be told though from my point of view the reality didn't live up to the fantasy. I won't lie & say it wasn't fun but rarely does real life live up to fantasy. I honestly wish I had left it strictly to fantasy. It wouldn't have been a let down then....LOL<br />
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My current beloved would never even consider anything like that which I am perfectly fine with. After my divorce from my first wife I was mainly sowing some wild oats so to speak. I was in a 16 year sexually repressed marriage & felt like a kid turned loose in the candy store...LOL. Also being a drummer in a rock band provided plenty of opportunities I couldn't do while married. After time though I wanted more in my life. I met my beloved & married a couple of years later. She became my fantasy in every way. Now she has become terminally ill & has offered for me to take a "lover" since she is no longer able. Still I can't do that to her. I know she only offers because she loves me dearly. I also know that if I did she would be deeply hurt. So while the open marriage may be right for some it just isn't a fit for me.

fauxtograph, thanks for sharing your story.<br />
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Speaking from experience, the answer to your question is yes, that bit of jealousy is normal and is something everyone experiences at least a little in open marriages. Most people experience it in non-open marriages too. But in an open marriage, because you're being honest with your partner, the jealousy is more likely to be explicit.<br />
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My advice is the same as the experts: deal with the jealousy openly and honestly, just as you deal with your extramarital sexual liaisons openly. Jealousy can be managed effectively. It takes work, but it's well worth it.<br />
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There are many books and articles on the topic you can find on the Internet; I suggest you type "open marriage jealousy" and "open marriage books" in your favorite search engine.<br />
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Also speaking from experience, by the way, having at least some bisexual "complexity" in an open marriage is also common, and that's a good thing because it can be fun, if everyone's game, to explore all kinds of new experiences.<br />
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Hope this comment is helpful, and wish you well. Let us know how things progress.