My Wife Wants An Open Marriage But..

My wife and I have fantasized for years about sex with a third person both male and female. she was always a little hesitant about the MMF scenario. I warmed her to the idea over time. She had gotten friendly with a man via Facebook. One day she announced that she was ready and wanted to experience sex with two men. To feel more comfortable, she then announced that she wanted a one on one with him first. I granted this as a one time deal. it was a little awkward for them and it required a bit of a struggle between us for it to happen. She has encouraged me to find a woman to sleep with. And it has been fun eyeing others and telling her about it. She is now trying to set me up with her single girlfriend (whom we both know well) for unlimited sex while she is gone at a conference. With this she expects and wants a rematch with her guy which was supposed to be one time (i have never met him). I initially was excited by the idea. But I realized I really am not ready for one on one open marriage scenarios. And her friend isn't whom I would pick to sleep with. I suggested that we go slow. I want to meet her guy and get to know him and have a ********* with him joining us. The same with her girlfriend, I would be comfortable all of us in the same room/bed. Basically I am comfortable with a ********* but not with her sleeping with him alone. We are deeply in love yet this topic has caused us great pain. I know I would be comfortable in a three way. Perhaps over time I will feel more comfortable to allow one on ones. Isn't this one of the primary rules, to respect one another and not push someone beyond their comfort zone.
Indigo4u Indigo4u
4 Responses Jun 9, 2011

Wondering how this all turned out. I'm in a similar situation as I would like for my husband to agree to an open marriage but he does want it.

i really think open marriages will do more harm than good in the long run.ive never heard of anybody in an open marriage staying married for 20, 30, or 40 years like in a regular marriage.sooner or later , somebody gets ahead of the other count wise, and then jealosy sets in and destroys everything.

Wow I really needed to read this, my husband and I are in the talking stages of a huge issue in our marriage and that being that it has been sexless for almost 10 years...I have came to my breaking point with it and on New Years eve I presented to him the idea of an open marriage...he is kinda struggling with it but I want him to read this article as I am hoping it will help him to accept the idea. I have found this site so very helpful in my huge dellima.

I've done basically the same, but my husband pretends that he forgot my offer/idea when I brought it up 3 months later. How is your situation developing?

Your fears and concerns are legitimate and understandable. They seem a bit misguided as well. The problem is that if you tighten your grip on your wife she will struggle to work herself free. You may not realize this but she is really different women at different times. Sometimes you will find that she wants to be wilder than at other times. <br />
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There is an old ex<x>pression: "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." The conference is a time to "let her go". Give her freedom to do what she likes with whom she likes with the promise of unending love from you. Remember something. her infidelity cannot really cost you much. It has the possibility of giving you much more. Part of the fun of being female, if I have observed correctly, is being desirable, being pusued by different men. Some women would deny that with their last breath, yet look at the amount women spend each year to remain desirable. To fight this is to fight a losing battle. You will help yourself and your wife to a more fulfilling life if you recognize this as her nature and realize that to deny her will ultimately be to lose her. <br />
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Perhaps you don't need to enjoy another woman like she wants to enjoy other men. That is fine, and in your marriage, it is your option. Allow her the freedom she craves within loose boundaries and you will reap wonderful rewards. Restrict her and watch as she escapes.