I am so sick of being a stranger!

Over the past 4-5 years I've progressively develloped a debilitating illness which began as mere flushing, fevers and fatigue. Gradually, my illness became worse and the symptoms became more wide spread until I was finally forced to cease work just over a year ago.

Three months ago I woke up one day to excrutiating tightness in all of my muscles, and then an intense cramp went through my right leg, right foot, and my back, and then finally to my neck before it disappeared.

Once the cramp had gone, I tried to stand up. My legs shook uncontrollably and then collapsed.
I tried to continue walking, using furniture as support for a few days, however I collapses several times, the last time I was holding my then newborn son.

So I have been wheelchair bound ever since,

I had been attending regular appointments with my usual GP for the duration of my illness however she upheld her opinion that I was merely 'depressed'.

I have now had two consultations with a new GP, who has located Pneumonia in my blood, and also dark patches on my brain from an MRI which indicate that I have had a stroke. As well as those findings, I also have four herniated disks in my lower spine.

And it doesn't stop there. The new doctor is also testing me for Guillen Barre Syndrome, as my lungs are not functioning properly, and my heart is also showing signs of damage.

I have been advised now to prepare my estate for the incidence of a terminal illness.

Depressed my ***! I told that bloody doctor for years that this was NOT depression!! I am 23 years old, I raised two children single handedly while working full time, studying part time and purchased my house by the age of 20, despite being raped by two different men in my life and birthing my first child at 16 years of age.

I am not someone that just decides to stop functioning properly! I knew something was wrong and now, now that it is potentially life threatening I have found a doctor that is willing to actually listen.

But now it may be useless, because whatever this is has damaged my body already.


I just want to go back to being my old self
Clarey Clarey
22-25, F
2 Responses Sep 7, 2012

Hi Clarey, I hope you are doing better now then you were when you wrote this. I can totally relate to what you are going through. You are obviously a strong person. Sometimes the strength which most people think of can be taken by way of these ridiculous diseases, but it is the true strength of will which you have that truly matters.

hi there Clarey, like others on here I am seeing evidence in your symptoms of an auto-immune based disorder, possibly a form of vasculitis. You think all you have to do is go to your doc and they will be able to diagnose these things for you after a simple blood test. Sadly not so. I suffer from Behcets syndrome for which there is no blood test. It's a form of vasculitis and there are other forms of vasculitis. Nightmare to have diagnosed! I suffered all my life and only got diagnosed in my forties. Without the right help you may never be diagnosed. I understand where you're coming from it's so distressing and you just need someone to listen and understand. Sadly certain conditions are outside of the knowledge of a gp and they can struggle to know where to direct you. Hopefully I can help. If you're still logging in or getting notifications then do reply. best wishes. M