What Should I Do?
Every day is a struggle for money. I've tried to be there for him. I've helped him in everyway I can but to no avail. He says he's depressed but won't try to talk to someone. He won't leave his house at all anymore unless it's to get weed. I've been sitting on my own for a long long time. I know I'm being selfish because he's down but all I can think about is how selfish he's being by not even wanting to try.
I've been down before, my mother is regularly depressed, his mother is always depressed as is his dad but yet in all that they think it's me who is in the wrong; that I should have more time for him and be patient when that is all I ever am. What gives them the right to dictate to me how I should go about my own relationship when they were not even asked to comment?
My boyfriend dropped out of school before he even attempted his GCSEs, and has sat on his *** getting exactly what he wanted served up on a silver platter since by a mother scared to discipline them in case she's made out as the 'bad' parent. She's more of a friend than a mother, and even your friends would tell you if they think you're going down the wrong path. No wonder she's depressed; all she does is run about after her two sons, drinks then falls into bed. I'm sure her drinking is affecting them... eugh I don't even know. They wouldn't know real pain if it hit them up the face. They're just bored with the way their lives panned out but instead of doing something positive about it they simply drink themselves stupid (or smoke themselves stupid, whichever) and ***** about it, then ***** about not having any money because they blew it all on drink and weed!
I know I like to have a drink every now and then. Sometimes I think I'm exactly like his mum. I run about after him and give him money to stop the continuous negativity, hoping he might some day repay me or simply grace me with his presense more, or surprise me, or remember my birthday or our anniversary. But no. I always say how perfect he is... but he's far from it. I'm so very vain and proud, I guess one of my many vices is hiding that it's not.
I just don't understand it. My mum has worked all her life since she was 14... maybe a little older I'm not sure. I thought the least I could do would be to stay on at school. In the education sense I have also worked all my life. I'm continuously searching for ways to improve and better myself, and for a while there I almost give it all up to babysit him.
Am I wrong to say I'm sick of listening to his problems when he never ever even asks me how I am? It's always been about him. I'm actually just sick of it all. I find myself more frequently ignoring him and sometimes even hating him.
It's my fault I'm this way but he can never take responsibility for anything. All I hear is 'it's not my fault I got bullied so left school', or 'It's not my fault I can't find a job'. I got bullied. I stayed on because I knew some day I would not even care what they said to me, I'd be so confident with myself. I can't help thinking how weak he is... Now I'm just being cruel. He did get bullied, but not badly. A few guys teased him about liking heavy metal and he got himself into a few fights but I know he gave out just as much as he got. He was the class clown who made jokes at other peoples expense because he could not cope with anyone achieving more than him. Wow, yeah so go achieve nothing, that really works. I don't understand how I was even attracted to someone like him in the first place. I know he regrets how he treated some kids, and says he was bullied too, but things that you do as a child to other kids have a lasting impression on them. I think I hold it against him sometimes without noticing.
He was just telling me on MSN how the dole has cut him off from getting money again and how 'this world is out to get' him. After about an hour, I just said 'whatever'. Of course he took that badly and gave off a lot about how I have no right to be angry with him because he hasn't done anything wrong to me so 'what's your problem' and, perhaps I did it just to annoy him but I just said 'Whatever' again and signed offline. I'm still offline. I'm sick of telling him to just get off his *** and do something. Aw I'm such a crappy girlfriend. I just don't know what to do anymore. I have my own problems too which aren't important to him, so why should his be important to me? Why should I spend every minute I have with him helping him through? He just wants someone to do it for him like he's used to.
:| What should I do? :S Just tell me, I can take it, I think lol, am I being selfish? I'm just so angry with him. I just don't know what to do anymore. Should I stay?