Cell Phone Spying - Caught

caught my husband cheating by using that cell phone spy tool from www.cignalspy.com   hes been texting his ex gf for the last month and finally i have some hard evidence and know the truth... but what comes next? Im 35 years old and it seems like its going to be hard to start up a new relationship, almost so hard to think about that i want to forgive him for what hes done... what to do!?

flow12 flow12
22-25, F
2 Responses Feb 13, 2010

Now you can use it more me

Obviously you thought something was up to purchase cignalspy. What made you suspicious? Did his behavior change? How was he treating you differently? Are you surprised that 1) he is having an affair and 2) it's the old gf? If you are not surprised. why? What have you done or not done that might have something to do with him looking elsewhere? Granted, some spouses go to the altar with no commitment to be faithful, but not most.<br />
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How do you feel knowing you are betrayed? You don't reveal that above, but you do you write that you are concerned that at 35 you would have to start all over again so maybe you could forgive him. But what do you want? Do you want a relationship with this man, provided he broke it off with the gf, said he would be faithful, wants you as wife and lover, and will go to counseling or whatever to make things work? Could you trust him if he promised to change? If not, would you be willing to live as things are with him in an affair and both of you estranged from each other? <br />
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Most people are capable of a kind of conversion experience which, more often than not, comes from hitting rock bottom and one's options are clear. So it is possible that your husband could change. It might be a message so straightforward as, "I love you, but you must stop your relationship with her and focus on our marriage. I'll go to counseling, whatever it takes to make this marriage work, but if you won't stop the affair then I am (or you are) out of here." Maybe that would be his rock bottom. <br />
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Two final thoughts, not original. 1) The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.<br />
2) When a relationship is in hard times, then either the offending party has to change his behavior, or if he refuses, you will need to change your expectations or get out. You worry about being 35, but what cost are you willing to pay? Your misery index would be off the charts.<br />
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You might want to consult a marriage counselor, clergyperson, someone who is a professional as I am not. The first words you say when confronting your husband may be the most important ones since "I do."<br />
Good luck.