She Has No Heart!

I always felt my mother was evil, though she hides behind Christian broadcasting and occasional church, today proved it.
From the begining as quickly as possible. I am the youngest of 6 and the only sibling who is not a career criminal or addict. My Dad kidnapped me when I was 1yr old. But she (mommy dearest) found me when I was 8 and kidnapped me back. Since then I have been in this emotional limbo with my mother. She always lies, will never admit to anything even when she is caught. She has been emotionally and verbally abusive since I can remember. I was always too fat, stupid, lazy and her greatest mistake. Often told she threw out the baby and raised the after birth, she should have aborted me if she had any sense and the best part of me ran down her leg. I avoided her like the plague for years when I got old enough after realizing that she made me hate myself to the point of suicide attempts. But after my Dad died I stupidly let her back in my life.
This leads to today.
On July 7th, my birthday I gave birth to identical twin girls, one however was still born due to the cord being wrapped tightly around her neck. This has been very hard on me. I have been very emotional ever since trying my hardest to cope. But she caught mye teary eyed today and when I explained I am hurting for the loss of my baby girl she quickly said she was hurting more because I killed her grandbaby. I didnt eat healthy enough, I was too active, I missed a doctor appointment, I picked up my son when I shouldn't have. When I cried and told her to leave me alone and how cruel she is to say those things to me she heartlessly laughed at me and said the truth hurts doesn't it. I cannot understand how she has no heart. I will be removing her from my life again. Bipolar or not she is evil and she won't take medication and I feel she is too far gone anyway.
chrissyjo chrissyjo
31-35
5 Responses Aug 14, 2012

Add a response...

Chrissyjo.... Im a 35yr old female who has lived a celebrated hell. My mom allowed me to try LSD when I was 9y. My mom offered me pot as a peace offering after our fight at 12y. I went to catholic school, smoked cigarettes & pot, drank and got a tattoo for my 12th bday. My mom hit on all my male friends and was jealous of ALL my relationships. She showed up at an apartment I had just moved into with my faience and started screaming out of her car window "does he know this... and does he know that... about you!!!" it was crazy af. My mother has looked at me and said "your so pretty, whats wrong with you?" I have 3 failed marriages and 3 children. I have a history of substances and craziness in life. Told of sexual abuse when I 5y and was told I made it up and I remember her story as to why I made it up...I got Raped during my 12yr old summer and told it was my fault and not reported to cops bc she said " I don't believe it was rape why would they...well what do expect when your too pretty!!" and that is just a few examples in less than 3yrs. I have a7yr old who wanted to color and he grabbed crayons and she said "what r u doing? THOSE ARE MINE!" my kiddo said "gma I just want to color." she said " get your own!" I interrupted and said "really? he is 7." She said in front of him " well you chose to have him!! Get him his own crayons!" It was one of the crazier moments...My son was so confused. I had to tell him Gma is mean. she has always been mean. my blood (as I refer 2 her) said in front of my kids that I am.... worthless piece of ****, a bully, a liar, a *****, pathetic excuse for a person, a horrible mother, a lunatic and on an on..... Truth is I am me all the time. IDK who else to be. I ran away numerous times as a child from 9 till I got my own place at 15.5y and pregnant. I grew up with mommie dearest who was a drunk and pot head who smoked cheap cigs. My parents divorced when i was9y moved in as roommates (having boy/girlfriends) when I was 12y. He kicked her out again and then they remarried years later when I was 26y they are both crazy by crazy being defined. EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT. EVERYTHING! I COULD GET RANDOMLY SHOT FROM A STRAY BULLET WHILE EATING AN ICE CREAM CONE WALKING DOWN A STREET AND IT WOULD BE MY FAULT BC I CHOSE TO WALK DOWN THE STREET. As a child and still as an adult, I say Im hungry she says "your not hungry go for a walk" I say Im thirsty she says "no, your tired" and on and on.... My MOTHER IS THE DEVIL ---it says the devil's greatest trick is to make us think he doesn't exist... I believe I know evil exits I grew up with it in human form. my blood is sadistic, bipolar with no regard to her condition or my diagnosis's. She says everything is in my head and "knock it off, grow up & fix my face" no sweats in her house-lazy. Make-up as soon as you wake up - lazy & ugly feel your worst look your best- keep secrets and don't communicate nothing is possible deal with what you have because I am not **** never will be bc Im not suppose to be I am wasted life w/ a beautiful face, great hair but worthless. I WANT YOU TO KNOW I AM NOT BI POLAR yet I live a bipolar life. I suffer from Anxiety, Panic attacks &Paranoid disorder, PTSD, battered women syndrome, separation anxiety, insomnia, A.D.D., addiction disorders, MANY FAILED RELATIONSHIPS, many SABOTAGED relationships (by my blood) sooo many tears & feeling that I am ****. Ugly. worthless. not good enough and never will be.I cannot express the mental, verbal, emotional, & physical abuse I have witnessed...and still go through today! Litteraly...and sometimes I m just weird. I am glad I am not alone in having a true "mommie dearest".... When your blood starts to blame and name call and toss dirt on you just laugh!!!! LAUGH AND LAUGH!!!!! YOU will realize true crazy people do not realize or admit they are crazy yet they are offended when called out. True crazy is comfortable with their illogically thinking and says WE are the crazy ones. lol It is hard to laugh but I know in my heart that I am an only child and I me nor my kids will take care of Satan when she's old. She better hope my dad dies after her if not she's screwed! lol plus I know on her death bed I will whisper, walk away and know she is truly dead, to me. And I will finally celebrate living not just being in life trying to ice hell down and get away from pure evil.......... my mother.

I will forever start with saying i love anyone who has dealt with a bipolar mother or family member even as tears roll down my face.im simply reading the various stories.i am a 49 yr old women with a bipolar mother who is 64 and a bipolar daughter who is 29.please stay as strong as possible God bless you. My newest grandaughter was born today!joyous right? Born at9 am.my daughter flipped with post partum/bipolar at 2:25 pm im still realing.my son recently served in afganistan and this was the first time we have seen him since february.his duty station is in another state.my daughter just devistated us with her drama my name doesnt matter at all in any of this just stay strong....wa st.

I'm so sorry for the pain you feel. Today is my "moms" birthday &
I have decided that I can no longer carry on acting like its alright
For the way I've been treated. Yesterday at my aunts bday party
My " mom" decided to pick a fight with my cousin. She had to be held back
By 3 people in order not to put her hands on my cousin whom has a
Black belt .
She acts like a middle school child from the mean girls movie every
Second of every day.
When I was a child around 7yrs old, my step dads family made her
Go get evaluated. I remember her going to the dr and her explaining to
My sisters & I about her"illness" and she was on meds
While she was on these meds , it really felt like for the first time she actually
Loved Us. She was patient , kind & caring & actually listened to us.
I think she was on her meds for a month and she stopped taking them
Because she thought she was better and she said they made her gain weight.
That nice compassionate mom we experienced vanished forever.
She's evil, manipulative, self centered, ignorant and stupid at the same time
Always wants to solve everything through putting her hands on people. She
Says whatever she can that's negative or hurtful just to hurt people. She
Takes everything personal, twists everything you say to make others feel sorry for
Her. I absolutely HATE her because she chooses not to take real meds.
She told me my whole childhood " I brought you into this world & I'll take you out of it.
When my stepdad molested me she told me, when I came home from DHR that " my
Step dad was unhappy with me" & later told a therapist that I " wanted to f *^• him".
For some reason I just can't move on , I don't have a dad or a mother and I'm a great
Mother to my kids. I love them more than anything.
I can not "forgive" yet, I deleted every shred of contact info to her yesterday. I'm
Done!!!!! But I wish I could be hypnotized and every shred of anything to do with her be gone forever. My loser relatives tell me " just get over it".
How do you just get over this? How?? Even after telling this to whomever that reads it, I know it's not going to make me feel any better but maybe the support of learning there's others that have been tortured will help, idk? I feel for those who have been through this too. I'm so hurt and angry.
-Verde850

sometimes a story can make you wonder if there is a God above! How do you know she is bipolar? when someone wants to hurt you that does not mean they are sick. They could be just plain wicked and evil. You don't need your mother, might as well move away from her and don't leave a fowarding address for her to follow you.

She has been dx as bipolar. She spent 2 months last winter in a mental hospital and was dx then. But her stay was for a pill addiction.

you dont need her in your life.if she makes you feel terible you really dont need her.she is not normal.no contact its the answer.she will take all of your energy.you need it for your baby.she will never change.you are loved.your baby loves you and needs you.nothing was your fault.it was meant to be.pleas dont think negative thouths.it will make you depresed.you are a good mom im sure.most important never be as your mum.you have been given this litle energy from god its your blessing to enjoy raising it.dont let toxic people in your life.you deserve respect and love.ana