I Am Never Good Enough
This past mother's day I decided not to buy my mother anything, or to drop by to see her. She called me and told me she was no longer my mother and how I have no respect and that I am disgusting in every way.
I would have agreed with her, had it not been for what happened last mother's day.
I had gone over the year before, with some of her favourite (or so I thought) potted flowers, called "Mums" in honour of Mother's Day. My younger brother had bought her a very nice hat for her gardening.
My mother had decided already at this point that we were not worthy of her attention as we had not gone to church with her this particular Sunday, which should not have been an odd thing as I had not gone to church regularly since I was 18 and same with my brother. She had locked herself in her room and ignored our plee for her to come downstairs to join us and see her presents. We had planned to take her to lunch as well.
After about an hour and a half, after she had slammed the door over and over again and yelled things at us such as how we don't care for her and how her family is awful, my brother, dad and I decided just to order in some pizza.
When she finally decided to come downstairs to see my what presents we had for her, my mom threw my flowers in the garbage and threw the hat at my brother
So now maybe you can understand why I was not inclined to visit her this mother's day.
She never will acknowledge her behaviour. My mother has never said sorry. Not when she threw the perfume that I bought her for her birthday, not when she told me she loves my brother more than me, and not when she called me a little s l u t when I was 11 (on my birthday.) Everything is always our fault.
I feel sorry for my dad, who feels he is too old to start again, and is a depressed man because of the way he is treated. My mother does not drive, and he must jump when she says jump, otherwise all hell will break lose.
My grandmother had some sort of mental disorder as well (something like schitzophrenia) that also went untreated.
I wonder what is in store for me.....