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I Am Never Good Enough

This past mother's day I decided not to buy my mother anything, or to drop by to see her. She called me and told me she was no longer my mother and how I have no respect and that I am disgusting in every way.

I would have agreed with her, had it not been for what happened last mother's day.

I had gone over the year before, with some of her favourite (or so I thought) potted flowers, called "Mums" in honour of Mother's Day. My younger brother had bought her a very nice hat for her gardening.

My mother had decided already at this point that we were not worthy of her attention as we had not gone to church with her this particular Sunday, which should not have been an odd thing as I had not gone to church regularly since I was 18 and same with my brother.  She had locked herself in her room and ignored our plee for her to come downstairs to join us and see her presents. We had planned to take her to lunch as well.

 After about an hour and a half, after she had slammed the door over and over again and yelled things at us such as how we don't care for her and how her family is awful, my brother, dad and I decided just to order in some pizza.

When she finally decided to come downstairs to see my what presents we had for her, my mom threw my flowers in the garbage and threw the hat at my brother

So now maybe you can understand why I was not inclined to visit her this mother's day.

She never will acknowledge her behaviour. My mother has never said sorry. Not when she threw the perfume that I bought her for her birthday, not when she told me she loves my brother more than me, and not when she called me a little s l u t  when I was 11 (on my birthday.) Everything is always our fault.

I feel sorry for my dad, who feels he is too old to start again, and is a depressed man because of the way he is treated. My mother does not drive, and he must jump when she says jump, otherwise all hell will break lose.

My grandmother had some sort of mental disorder as well (something like schitzophrenia) that also went untreated.

I wonder what is in store for me.....

CrazyKitty03 CrazyKitty03 26-30, F 11 Responses May 14, 2009

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I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with your mother. It sounds as if anything you say to her will not make much difference. I think you made the right decision about Mother's Day this year. She needs to know there are consequences to her actions.

Thank you for sharing your story. I think that early detection is key. I am 26 and I have been "tested" for bipolar disorder twice. I commend you for taking a stand and not allowing her actions to dictate your life. That's not easy to do. I hope that you can lean on your brother for support. It's important to have a system especially someone who can relate directly.

Have you ever seen a counselor or psychologist? Working with a good counselor will help you get past all of this hurt she has caused, as well as helping you be in a better place with your mental health. Also, if you are working with a good counselor, you will be more aware of any warning signs of similar problems, should they come up, and hopefully not have to deal with the same denial issue your mom has. If you do wind up with mental health problems, you will certainly handle them better, as you have seen the suffering that your mom's untreated problems have caused for your family.
My mom has bipolar type 2--same patterns, just less severe. I have been seeing a counselor off and on for about 12 years now, and it has helped me a lot! I haven't been diagnosed, but my counselor says I show some signs of it too. But, it has helped me just to have it acknowledged--that I'm not imagining things and blowing things out of proportion.
Finally, if you have the feeling that you have never been good enough, I highly recommend the book "When your best isn't good enough" by Kevin Leman. It has helped me SO MUCH!!!

There are family links in many illnesses but that is no guarantee that you will inherit her illness.

One should seek help in these situations as this is clearly unusual behaviour. We all like to be spoilt and cared for and your mothers behaviour clearly needs assessment. You need to seek advice so that you can have your mum back as a loving parent for the families sake. I work in mental health and this behaviour clearly shows signs of irrational behaviour

Wow.. my mother has done the EXACT same thing to me over the past few years with mothers day, birthdays and christmas. i now only give her $ cause its obvious thats all she really wants, or needs. She cant keep jobs, so that makes sense. You are very lucky that you dont have Bipolar, unfortunately I didnt get so lucky. I was actually diagnosed a year ago, and up unitl then we didnt even know my mother had it.. but trust me, if i do, she ABSOLUTELY does too! I am only now realizing how bad this disease is, and doing what I can to help myself and my family. I feel sooooo sorry for anyone that has to deal with people like us.



Stay strong, and always know we dont mean the things we say, we actually dont know what the heck we are doing in those deep depressive states, or manic episodes. Its scary.. everything I do, or decision I make , I have to think about for days, because I dont know "WHO" is making the choice, Me or the "illness"



THanks for listening!



D

I am past 18 and I don't seem to show any signs. Thats somewhat relieving thanks :)

My mom used to call me all those names too and accuse me of the craziest things although I was a pretty good kid.

Do you still live with her? I find that since I have moved out things are much better as I am not forced to be exposed to her constant negativity.

Dude...i totally understand.....i get verbally/emotionally abused everyday by my mom.....she's bipolar too and sometimes it;s just hard to deal with. i've been called a *****, ****, *****, mother ******, trifling, and stupid.

oh, and if ur past 18 and dont show any signs of bipolar disorder, chances are you dont have it :) i hope that helped

I hope I do not get it either but I am aware of the possibility at least! I will certainly take meds if that is the case.

My mom is not on any medication and she refuses to admit she needs help of any kind. In her mind, the way she treats us is justified. She is entrapped in her own little world of hatred and self pity...somtimes. Then other times she is a very caring woman.

Thanks for your comments guys :) :)

is she ok when she stays on her meds? if not, mabe she needs someone new to look after her

well I hope you do not get it,,,and if you do I hope that you will take the meds,,,the meds do help,,,I am so sorry about your mom,,,and on your mothers day,,,mary