I'm 25, and she was diagnosed about 1 year ago, but is in denial. She admits she loves the mania (she calls it ADD) and proclaims that it's "fun" but can't see that her behavior is erratic, irrational, and damaging. She is impossibly mean to me, she has paranoid delusions and blames me for everything. She accuses me of hating her and being a horrible daughter, despite the fact that I'm the only one left in her life willing to take care of her. She is so impossible to live with, and her depression consumes me. She turns our apartment into a dark cave. The diagnosis has helped me to understand my childhood better, but the pain is still very real for me. She denies that she was ever abusive. I'm suffering from PTSD from my volatile childhood. I'm currently supporting her and we share a one bedroom apartment. She has no family or friends due to her intolerable condition. I feel trapped. I can't push her out on the street because she doesn't have anywhere to go but with me. I don't make enough money to support her and give her my apartment and move out on my own. Sometimes I think that the only way out is for one of us to die. I have lost all hope for the future. I feel like I'm pushing a broken down car by myself. I'm mourning the loss of a life I wanted, and the relationship that I always wanted with my mother. I fantasize about suicide as I don't see another way out.
ftiofiji ftiofiji
26-30, F
1 Response May 20, 2015

Wow that is really sad. I lived with an unmedicated mother and she refused help, was abusive to me , blsmed me for everything and dragged my life down too. Similar to your story. Only that one day I decided to leave. She went ballistic and blamed me of course for "abandoning her" but truly she had made it absolutely impossible to stay. She didn't kill herself. She made my life hell for a while but when I stopped being codependant to her and stopped reacting to her pushing my buttons well she was faced with dealing with her own self, behaviour and actions. She moved interstate and now has her own place. We didn't speak for a year . Then she contacted me and apologised. Now we speak on civil terms and it is strained but healthy. It was hard but the best thing I ever did. You deserve a life and respect too. If you need to get her out of your home make sure you have support and help present because no doubt it will be a sh#tfight but well worth it. Good luck!