Unrequited LoveTo make a long story short, I didn't realize I was in love with a woman until she got engaged. Even when she was engaged, we both stayed up late into the night and morning talking on the phone. She lived in Georgia and I Vermont, a pretty long distance. I finally told her how I felt (after she begged me to tell her actually). Even after she knew how I felt, we still bickered into the dark of night like highschool lovers.
We went to highschool together and almost got together then.It's cliche, but she really understood me more than anyone I had ever known. She is very religious and even acknowledged my beliefs as an atheist, something no one has ever done. We shared things with each other that we would never share with anyone else. She had many traumatic things happen to her as a child. She was hit by her father and raped by a close friend, things that blew my love confession right out of the water. Sharing like that only brought us closer together until one day, she realized that she had a life ahead of her with her fiance that she had to devote to.
Eventually she started to cut loose from contact with me. She went as far as severing all ties with me to the point where I can't even find her on facebook anymore. The person she is marrying is a very evangelical and conservative man that would not react well to what she told me about her life. But hey, don't take this guy's word for it. He is the better man for getting the girl in the end I guess. I wouldn't want to ruin that life for her anyways. She seemed happy with him.
It's been two years since she stopped talking with me, and I can't shake the misery. I sabotage relationships I am in and have frequent mood swings. As of lately, I lash out at friends. When I try to figure out what my problem is, she pops into my head even when I don't want to think about her. The pain of not being with her is synonymous to the understanding that if I realized sooner, I could be with her right now. I don't know what to do. Suggestions?