I Have AnhedoniaI hate watching tv. Music don't move me. I don't enjoy computer games. I am constantly bored. I have nothing to do. Life is just agony. This is what anhedonia feels like. This is what i have been experiencing for eleven months. This is what makes me so tired of living.
What is anhedonia? According to the net, anhedonia is defined as the inability to experience pleasure from activities usually found enjoyable. I have schizophrenia and my anhedonia probably stem from it. Anhedonia is that scary hole that sucks life out from you. I can wander around my house not finding a single thing to do because i can't seem to get the satisfaction out of any activity. I used to love listening music. Now music is nothing but stupid noise in the background. I envy those people who could get addicted to video games, to sports. I envy those people who are motivated to watch tv. Well, they have all the fun while i have to sit and watch time tick. I used to have a life too but it was not until schizophrenia came and hit me in the face. People who did not have anhedonia would not understand people who have anhedonia. They would think it is something that would be gone with medicine. Let me tell you, anhedonia is hard to get away. Its about a year now and my anhedonia still stays. I am currently under risperidone and fluoxetine but they are not doing very much. Every night i sleep i hope i wake up with a newer self, a person who can enjoy activities. Although i am improving, i am improving at a very slow rate. I am waiting for that one day, that one day i would be liberated from my mind, from my anhedonic state.